Always tweaking something!

That Tense Business

Day 2479

(Either sense of the word ‘tense’ works)

The story with a little background:

About 4 years ago Cindy’s drinking and our relationship got bad enough that I used my employers assistance program and made an appointment with a therapist.  That’s when I started working with Annette.  (That’s also when I was hot & heavy with Ms. CL, but that’s another story)

I went to Annette for a while to get some better/different ideas to handle the worsening situation I found myself in.  Step 1 was to curtail the relationship with Ms. CL,  Then we worked our way up to the point where the boys & I did a little mini-intervention with Cindy.  After that we tried some couples counseling.  Turns out that Annette’s no nonsense approach alienated Cindy and we stopped after 3 or 4 sessions.

About a year later we got a referral to a new therapist – Janine.  We started doing couples work with her, then added some 1/1 time too.  For about a year I also saw Annette for 1/1 work along with seeing Janine for 1/1 & couples.  I eventually stopped seeing Annette at Cindy’s request.  Curious to note that I think any progress we were making ceased once Annette was out of the loop.

Anyhow.  With Janine we started at one building.  The practice she was with got muscled out of their building & had to move.  Followed her to the other side of the village.  Janine got tired of the politics & mother hen mentality of the practice she was with, so she struck out on her own.  She started a nice little wellness clinic in the village, brought in a massage therapist, nutritionist, got some yoga & pilates classes going – all this in a former manse owned by a church in the village.

Then the church decided they wanted their building back and wouldn’t extend the lease Janine had signed.  Rather than find a new building for her practice (#4 in about 3 years) Janine took the opportunity to explore and start a new practice – in Virginia.  We had about 6 weeks warning before the end of the practice in the village.

Or so we thought.  Last week we had a couples session scheduled – probably our last.  I had already gotten a couple of referrals from Janine because I was sure we were no where near done with counseling or working on our relationship.  At our “last” session I was going to share that opinion with Cindy and Janine and try and get Cindy’s buy in to pick things up with a new therapist.

Turns out that last Tuesday was the last day of May.  The church wanted Janine and her business out by the end of the month.  We found that out when we showed up for our regularly scheduled appointment and the building was empty & locked.  Just like that, we’re done with counseling.

Cindy thinks we’re fine with no more counseling.  Know why?  No one is bitching at her about her drinking.  She’s stopped going to AA.  If I’m not home (like I’m out bike riding or at golf) she’ll pound the mixed drinks, but when I am home she feels comfortable enough to drink beer.

So.  I still have my referral for another counselor.  I always have the option of going back to see Annette for my own damn self.  There is a whole spectrum of possible outcomes and I won’t be spinning my wheels wondering which one will come true.  All I can do is make the next right move and keep moving forward.

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3 responses

  1. G.G

    I’m a big fan of doing what and seeing whom you need to for your own damn self!

    June 6, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    • bikinfool

      I could SO misread that into “seeing what and doing whom . . .”

      But that got me into trouble before!

      June 7, 2011 at 5:08 pm

  2. I give you lots of credit for trying to do something that will keep the two of you together. If she’s not willing to do that too, regardless of the personal cost to her, then that’s something I say you definitely need someone to talk to about, be it Annette or another couples therapist. And that would probably be the first thing I asked Cindy when you get there.

    June 7, 2011 at 5:02 pm

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