Mouth? Meet Foot.
Oh what a night. Someone around here recently wrote about sticking ones foot in ones mouth. I managed to pull off a gem Monday night that still has me shaking my head.
I was in spin class, sweating & grinding to what the instructor, Lori, generously calls music. I have my own internal gripes about her music selections. They include Lady Gagger, Pink Eye, Split Green Peas, Ludicrous, Snoopy Dog just to name a few. Thing is, Lori is 40-something, the vast majority of her class is 45+ (shut up) and she’s somehow thinking that the above artists are going to appeal to her demographic. I guess some feedback has trickled back to her because she’s added a few new to her tunes to the mix that don’t suck quite as hard. (One is horrible. A version of Janis Joplin’s “take a Little Piece” that had been remixed for a step aerobics class. I’m going to go to iTunes and buy her the real version and ask her to permanently erase that other abomination)
Here are some of my other grievances with her:
A – Her pedaling cadence never matches the song that’s playing.
B – She doesn’t actually DO the resistance changes she tells us to do and sometimes gets lost.
C – She uses a “4 zone” resistance system. 1 = no resistance. 2 = flat road 3 – medium or large hill (an improper reference itself – even a BIG hill can have a mild incline – it’s the incline angle that determines load) (Sorry for geeking out there) and 4 = all the resistance you can tolerate. She loves to bounce back and forth between 3 & 4 or 2 & 4.
D – She uses the term “full turn” but I’m not really sure how she’s defining that (see “B”)
E – She does standing sprints all the time. On a real bike? No one I know stays out of the saddle for very long on a sprint.
F – She does way too many out of the saddle exercises compared to out of the saddle time on a real bike.
G – We do this exercise called ‘Drills’. Pedal left leg only, pedal both, pedal right leg only, pedal both. Most instructors have us increase resistance after a full cycle. Keeps the left/right balance in tune. Lori increases basically at every comma, which produces an imbalance in leg conditioning. The right leg always operates at a higher load.
H – Her taste in music sucks.
And I still go every Monday evening. Why? Because the $^*&@#*< rain around here never $^*&@#*< stops and I can’t ride outside!
Still, Lori is a sweet gal, she means well and if I close my ears I can modify everything else she says so that it’s more like what the other instructors are doing. She even says “Do what you can, modify to suit your needs.” With that disclaimer A thru G pretty much go away.
Last night seemed particularly bad though. Might have been me. And keep in mind we’ve had cold, rainy weather something like 10 of the last 14 days. At the end of class we were doing our cool down and Lori was reminding us about future classes, etc. and she said “and next week Summer will be here” to which I loudly replied “Promise?”. Of course, 3.8 milliseconds after the words flew out of my mouth I realized she was referring not to the season, but to Summer, one of the substitute instructors that we all LOVE and would like to see get a permanent class. (Summer also plays a ton of music out of my wheelhouse, but she stays on rhythm and her tunes don’t suck out loud. They’re just new to me.)
When I heard a giggle or two from the class (3.9 milliseconds after the words left my mouth) I tried to back pedal and make it clear that I was referring to “Summer, the season” as opposed to the craptastic weather we’ve endured this spring. I also went up to Lori after class and apologized privately, but I think she hates me now. I may have to go to her Saturday morning class to try and kiss & make up. (No – not really kiss her. She’s not my type.) I was going to ride my 50 mile Batavia loop, but I might just have to incorporate the Y into it somehow.