Always tweaking something!

All’s Quiet?

Day 2231

Had a sluggish bike ride home Wednesday night. Not sure why. Maybe the wind played a part, maybe I need more or better sleep. I also have to wonder what the heck my speedo is doing. Seems like every time I look at it I’m doing 18 – 21 mph. There are a few serious uphill sections where I drop down below 15, and there’s the slow downs & accelerations at stop lights. But I have to wonder how my average gets under 18 when it seems like I spend the vast majority of the time going faster than that.

I’ll figure it out sooner or later.

Shoulda grabbed this on my 6 year anniversary in August. From the Quitnet site

My Stats:
Your Quit Date is: 8/22/2004 7:00:00 PM
Time Smoke-Free: 2229 days, 19 hours, 49 minutes and 36 seconds
Cigarettes NOT smoked: 44597
Lifetime Saved: 11 months, 10 days, 16 hours
Money Saved: $9,098.40

That money saved bit is using a cost of $4.08 a pack – which is what butts cost when I quit. Since then, the great state of New York has cranked up the state tax. Now I believe the same brand of smokes costs just over $8 a pack. That money saved is WAY over $9,000. Tell me again why I tolerated ANY grief from Cindy when I bought my new bike. Heck – I should have bought one with a carbon frame. (I should have bought one with a motor & stationary pedals)

So here we are at Friday. It’s been a weird week in relationship land. Not bad, just weird. Tuesday with Janine, Cindy was all “things are going fine, nothing bad to report at all” and we wasted nearly 30 minutes. I finally got tired of her not offering anything useful and brought up her trying to micromanage my time on Sunday. Then things changed a wee bit and everything wasn’t all butterflies & unicorns. That was interesting. She’s willing to do very little actual work on the relationship or herself but say everything is just peachy. But when I start to share how I feel about the real lack of progress in the relationship in spite of the efforts I feel I’m making, she’ll come up with some tripe about how I am falling short of her expectations and she’s just given up trying anymore.

It’s insane.

If I had only 5 or 10 years invested in the relationship I’d feel a lot less compunction to stay. But after having invested 30+ years into building a relationship, family & household, I am VERY reluctant to just give it all up.

Maybe I need to make a new list. Not a gratitude list or a to do list, but an inventory. An inventory of what it would really take to allow me to live a satisfying life. Just off the top of my head, this list would have a few categories. Material, spiritual, emotional, interpersonal – something along those lines.

That list might make my ‘to do’ list for this weekend.

Rode in to work this morning. Again, it felt sluggish. I kept looking down to see if my rear tire was going flat. Turns out it was a 10mph north-northwest breeze that was supplying the sluggishness. That made it a head wind for about 5.5 of my 8.2 mile ride. And as luck (or the weather gods) would have it, the winds will be shifting to the west-northwest by drive time this afternoon. That will make for head winds only 2.7ish miles of the ride home, but the breeze will be stiffer. I’ll have to avoid riding with Perry. He’s smaller & (way) faster than I am on the flats. Add in the 300 foot elevation gain and the head winds and I really struggle to keep up with him. Can’t draft him either. He’s small enough that he really doesn’t break up the wind for a guy my size. (I have 7 inches and about 60 pounds on him – he’s like 5’5” and maybe 140. You can do the math for my size)

Office move coming next week. I have 10 tons of crap to clear out. Maybe that will help with the mindset for my new “make me happy list”. What do I need? What do I want? What have I been hanging on to that I haven’t touched in years? (Hmmm – does that include people?)

Time to get busy.

Oh yeah – door replacement this weekend. I’ll photo-document the proceedings

Miles done – 903.
Target – 1,000
Riding time left – End of October?


2 responses

  1. A big woo hoo on the 6 year quit. Awesome accomplishment, Brian. And I am sure you will make your 1000 mile mark for the year. Again with the awesome.

    October 1, 2010 at 9:15 pm

  2. I’m 4 years this month. Took a scary weekend at the hospital to do it – maybe I’ll blog that someday. Congrats to you, it’s a major accomplishment!

    Relationships can be tough. Two-way streets, they are. Do you guys talk, I mean really talk, when you’re not with the counselor? Communication – it’s the hardest thing and it means everything.

    October 1, 2010 at 9:43 pm

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