Always tweaking something!

Meet Me Monday

Day 2220

1. What is your favorite all time movie?

Not fair. Too many to pick from. One of my Top Ten is “Midnight Express”

2. How often do you go over the speed limit?

I tend to view speed limits as a “Suggested Lower Limit”. If I am doing the speed limit or less, it is because I am following someone and can’t get around them or I’m driving in snow. Which ought to make an appearance here any week now . . .

3. What really gives you the creeps?

Peering over the edge of a high precipice.
Walking through dense woods late at night with only a flashlight.

(I think it’s more that these get my adrenalin cranking . . .)

4. What is your favorite snack?

Mid afternoon – Payday candy bar
Evening – peanut butter & honey on rye. With a glass of skim milk.

5. Would you rather be a dog named Killer or a cat named Fluffy?

In my next life? A 3lb Chihuahua named Killer.

Interesting weekend. Did a work golf tournament Friday, scramble format. Always have a lot of fun, usually contend for the top spot in the second flight. (We have 36 foursomes. Flights are just evenly divided top 12, middle 12, bottom 12) Winning the second flight just means we’re on the high side of average hacks really.

This year? Ugh. I personally couldn’t hit anything off the tee. Well, nothing predictable or favorable. Haven’t played enough this year to gain any sort of consistency. Luckily for our group though, I was still hitting my irons pretty well and my putting was good enough to at least show my partners the line if I didn’t sink the putt. Still – I felt I struggled all day.

Saturday consisted of a trip to the gym, a whole lot of lawn mowing, trimming the perennials, played in the pond (the big filter was in dire need of cleaning) and got materials to make frames to mount plastic sheeting over the porch screens. Then the kidlets showed up just as I was getting ready to wash the truck. Finally got to see Kelly’s ring up close & personal. Spent the rest of the day chatting with the kids and talking about their wedding plans. They’ve really made a lot of progress with the plans. Church & reception halls are set, menu is selected. Kelly has even picked out her dress and the main accent color of the wedding party already (cobalt blue!! Me likey!). What’s left? Oh – tons. Invitations, photographer, cake, favors, flowers, rehearsal dinner location . . . trivial little things, right?

Sunday. Eric & I met one of my work buddies (and golfing partner from Friday) at a new to us course. It’s way up in the northwest corner of our county. Took a 45 minute drive to get up close to the lakeshore (Ontario that is). The course is short but challenging. Small greens, tight fairways, short but dense rough, fair penalties for errant shots.

Good thing I didn’t golf like I did Friday. I decided to stick with my old persimmon 3 wood off the tees (not that Burner Bubble) and was consistently hitting the ball 225 – 240 yards and keeping it in play. Shot a 40 on the front, ballooned to a 47 on the back, but overall was pretty pleased with the round. Bonus was that there were remnants of an old orchard on the property and we loaded up on Bartlett pears and Cortland apples. There is nothing like munching an apple 3 seconds after you pick it from the tree. Soooooo good! Good thing too because we forgot to bring any water along to hydrate with. Couple three apples did the trick quite nicely.

The bet thing about this course? It’s so far off the beaten path it isn’t crowded at all. We never had to wait to hit a shot, never had anyone waiting on us. Played 18 holes in 3:40. There are days when that’s normal for 9 holes on some of the more popular courses nearer the city. Makes me wonder why they’re popular.

Cindy appears to be over her ‘mad’ about what I shared feelings wise Tuesday. Unfortunately, she seems to have realized that I never said “you can’t drink again, ever”, but instead only said that “should you drink to excess, my reactions will be these . . .”. While she didn’t get plowed over the weekend, she did partake. Heck, the kids were home. We all enjoy a beer or two while we’re shooting the breeze. Cindy just uses that as her license to drink too. She even stocked up on Ginger Ale to go with the hooch she has left.

I offered that I’d quit drinking too if that would help her battle her own demons. But until she asks, I will maintain my own one or two beers a weekend as a treat while soaking in the hot tub.

Tuesday’s session with Janine will be another fun one, because I think Janine is going to start pounding on Cindy about her drinking. She used to accept the idea that maybe Cindy’s drinking was a period of undisciplined alcohol abuse that was NOT driven by addiction. But after the last year or so and the obvious increases in both frequency & (strength, depth, amount??) of Cindy’s drinking, Janine has come to the opinion that it IS an addiction based abuse and not college freshman style drinking.

Qualifier for the newer readers – Cindy is a very highly functioning person. Rarely misses a day of work, is the more organized of the two of us, has done a great job raising our kids. After her mom passed away her drinking got really out of control. (It was out of control before that, but only 2 days a week, not 5). There were several tumbles down the stairs (full flights, not just a couple steps), too many nights when she passed out rather than fell asleep, embarrassing moments in restaurants when she fell, friends slowly disappearing as her drinking got worse. Heck, her aunts wouldn’t even answer their phones if they saw our number on Caller ID. They knew they were in for a drunk dialing episode.

From the outside looking in it was easy for me to finger booze as the culprit. Because of the diet I was on and my trying to quit smoking (2220 days!!), I decided to eliminate much of my own drinking because of the empty calories and drinking being a trigger for smoking. When I did that that Cindy’s drinking became more apparent to me. It also occurred to me that much of my own prior drinking was sympathetic in nature. One I was able to honestly ask the question “Do I really want this drink?” and answer it “No”, I understood that Cindy had a problem.

The down side to all that? I DID quit smoking. I DID drop 30% of my body weight. I DO drink responsibly. Because of that, I know it’s possible. It all only fuels my frustration with Cindy’s lack of change.

Which brings me to a decision making point. This hasn’t been said out loud yet, so it isn’t fact. But. My boundary is this – if & when Cindy’s drinking is objectionable to me, I will remove myself from her immediate vicinity. If necessary, I will go for a bike ride, a long walk, snow shoeing – what ever – but I will remove myself and give her time to pass out, leave, sober up or realize what she’s done. I will tell her “You’ve crossed the line. I’m heading out for a bit to collect my thoughts. I’ll be back in a while.” If she can accept that, fine. If she can’t accept that, she will need to correct her own behavior, because I am doing nothing wrong. Nothing I do is forcing her to pour booze down her throat. If she can’t accept my boundary and she won’t correct her behavior, she’ll need to be calling the moving company. I will not be leaving the house, but I am not going to waste the remainder of my life tolerating the bad behavior of another person. Realistically, I have 20 – 30 years to go. I’ rather enjoy them, not just get through them.

Wonder what this will do to our trip to Charleston next month?

That leaf picture from last week or so? Has morphed into this:

Sugar Maple in my front yard 9/20/2010. Turning quite early

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4 responses

  1. Whenever my upcoming trip gets mentioned, the very next question is “Have you seen Midnight Express?”. Nope, have a vague notion of the subject matter and have been avoiding all other knowledge of said film. Sidenote: boss’ wife went to HS with the proto.

    My reason for making the alcohol decision I did was that if it really didn’t matter that much to me, then why would I continue? All a very sticky wicket, to be sure.

    Biking question: are all add-ons (water cage, lights, computer thingy, bags) pretty generic? Can I shop at a basic sporting goods store or is it worth it to go to a specialty bike shop?

    September 20, 2010 at 2:53 pm

    • bikinfool

      Hiya Roxie,

      The bottom line to avoiding the fate that befell Mr. Hayes in “Midnight Express” is pretty simple. If you can manage to avoid trying to smuggle 3 or 4 kilos of hash out of the country, you ought to be fine. I’ve also learned that Oliver Stone took some liberties with the truth when he made the movie. Never would have thought that of Stone.

      Re: the alcohol decision – I needed to examine my motives. I want to be sure I am doing what is best for me. No ulterior motives. I can appreciate how difficult your own decisions have been to make.

      About bike parts. Add-ons are all pretty generic. Your bike MAY have little threaded adapters on the seat tube to mount a bottle cage. If not, you may need to look for a bottle cage that has hose clamp style mounts. Lights, computer thingy and bags are pretty adaptable. I’ve mixed & matched. Bike shops tend to have high end gear, sporting goods stores stock some stuff and even the Evil Empire (Wal-Mart) has stuff. A Schwinn computer will be fine, Bell cages & bags are perfectly serviceable. You may want to enlist Bick or Slater (and their tools) for some of the install. The computer will take some learning – has to be set up for tire size & you’ll need to learn how to set, clear & reset the odo & clock. It’s only programming, you’ll learn it in a flash.

      Most importantly, have fun.

      September 20, 2010 at 11:09 pm

  2. Favorite movie of all time? Patch Adams, although Blindside is right up there now.

    I think quitting anything – overeating, smoking, drinking – requires a tremendous amount of self-discipline, and a tremendous amount of “want to”. It’s tough, and none of us can make another person do it. It’s up to that person to decide what’s really important to him/her.

    Good luck!

    September 20, 2010 at 9:20 pm

    • bikinfool

      I was interested in seeing Blindside. May have to add Patch Adams to the “gotta watch it some day” list.

      Quitting anything is soooooo much easier when you fully buy into the need to quit. You really have to want it.

      September 20, 2010 at 11:24 pm

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