Always tweaking something!

Day 2200 Meet Me on Monday Meme (posted on Tardy Tuesday)

First up is:

1. What is your favorite kind of potato chip?

For potato chips I prefer Rrrrruffles, or any rrrrrridged chip. Baked is best.

2. Do you make your bed everyday?

No. The only two people that really see the bed are the two people sleeping in it. I have better things to do with those two minutes. Plus – I generally get out of bed first. Can’t make it when someone is still in it

3. How often do you go to the hair salon?

I’ll amend this to include barbershops and/or places that might cut a guys hair. I average 10 – 12 weeks between visits.

4. What do you dip your French fries in?

Usually ketchup. Arby’s Horsey sauce is good, and so is A1.

5 Do you shop with coupons?

Generally, no. Why use a coupon for 25 cents off some national brand of something when buying the store brand of the same item beats the coupon price of the national brand?

The people watching at the garage sale really fell off Friday afternoon. Saturday I was otherwise occupied while Cindy manned the garage, so I didn’t get in any good gawking.

I DID get to utter this phrase though –

Goodness Gracious Great . . .

Blue Heron?

It seems our pond attracted an unwanted visitor Saturday afternoon. I chased it off once in the middle of the afternoon. It was reluctant to leave, only moving off 50 or so feet at a time. I had to be a little persistent in order to induce it to finally take wing.

Later, in the early evening it came back. This time it tried to ignore me and allowed me to get pretty close. When it did finally take off, I thought it had gone for good.

Right at twilight, it returned AGAIN. I was having camera battery issues or I’d post a picture of the thing to give you a sense of how big they are. Any way, on its third visit it caught me munching on an apple. A nice, very throw-able apple. So I chucked the apple at it. Considering the trajectory of said apple, I think what scared the heron off was the machine gun like snap, crackle & pop of every tendon & ligament in my right arm. At least it didn’t fall off.

Fast forward to Sunday morning. Made a quick dash to the store to pick up some of the necessaries for Zach’s belated birthday dinner (smoked ribs, mac salad, grilled sweet corn, corn bread & rhubarb pie for dessert). When we got home, our neighbors son was pointing into our back yard, asking us if we got a new pet. Apparently, that heron wanted to make one last try at getting a meal out of our pond. I chased it off again, but this time it seemed much less reluctant to leave. Once we got settled from our shopping excursion, I got my camera out and left it on the back porch, just in case. But as luck would have it, the heron never came back.

On to Tardy Tuesday –

Cindy has been kind of closed off ever since spin class Monday night. She gets like this at times and I’m never sure what the trigger is. There was this gal that plopped down next to me at spin class. Same gal that parked next to me last week. That time, she asked tons of questions (how do you know what a ‘level 5’ is? How much is a ‘turn’ of the red knob? ) and I noticed she kept glancing over to see what I was doing so she could follow suit. I guess that’s how one learns to do a spin class.

This week she wasn’t so chatty, but I noticed Cindy clam up once she got on her bike. For the record, she’s our age (+/- a few) wears a lone band on her left ring finger and is really attractive. Plus last night her outfit left clear indicators of how cool she thought the room was. Maybe Cindy thought I was noticing her thermometers a little too much.

Tonight (Tuesday) we get to have our first couples session in about a month. Maybe we can get this cleared up then. Maybe we can also address why it is that I’ve managed to make all these accommodations to improve the relationship, but I sense a certain lack of willingness to change on Cindy’s part. That lack of willingness being demonstrated by Cindy’s needing to use a door frame to hold herself steady Friday evening when Zach stopped by on his way home from work. She didn’t participate much in the conversation Z & I had, because she couldn’t e-n-u-n-c-i-a-t-e at all. Saturday night she’d been drinking again but wasn’t near as bad. At least she didn’t make Jill bust out with our new code word – “wunnerful”.

So, once again, I feel the need to hijack our couples counseling session to ‘share how I feel’ about certain things. At least then there’s a referee there that I hope I can depend on to call bullshit on Cindy’s denial.

I loathe doing it this way. It always seems that things come to a head within a month or so of a planned trip. That makes me think that Cindy subconsciously uses these planned trips as blackmail tools. “Be nice to me and ignore my drunkenness or I’ll pull the plug on the trip”. Not coincidentally, we have a trip to Charleston, SC planned for October.

Even having any concerns at all about her alcohol abuse makes me feel like a hypocrite. How can I agree to visit a distillery, two breweries and a brew pub on our trip to Maine, then complain about how much Cindy drinks? It’s true that she asked me to be less of a Nazi about her drinking. It’s true that I don’t buy any of the booze she consumes at home. I DO buy beer, but it’s mostly for myself. Cindy has some from time to time, but I don’t make a stink about it. I was asked not to.

So by doing as she’s asked and not being a booze Nazi, I feel I’ve tacitly sanctioned her drinking. She thinks she’s controlling it (uhhh – remember Step One?), and all I see is a slow, steady regression back to how it was a few years ago.

I ended my affair. I asked that Cindy end her drinking. She now drinks 3 – 4 nights a week, with one or two of those nights resulting in her getting drunk enough to totally turn me off. So since she’s violated the request I made, does that mean I now get to screw around with other women once or twice a week?

I know that the answer to that is no. I must maintain the high road through all of this. But I HAVE to do a better job of declaring and defending my boundaries. Good lord, I’ve been saying that for two years now.

All that to think about and I have two of these:

New header for all my presentations.

to prepare for this week.

That’s a tavern in Bar Harbor. It’s several blocks in from shore and looked to be inhabited by locals. Never really saw a building to enter – just a set of steps leading up to what looked like someone’s backyard deck. Didn’t go in and check it out because it just didn’t seem right. But I do like the sign.

Gah. I really don’t need the distractions.

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