Always tweaking something!

REALLY summarizing

Day 2090 In Summary

Started two other entries. Get part way through an entry that’s explaining my position and things need updating. Been a lot of stuff going on. Rather than carry on for pages & pages, I can do an executive summary.

My purchase of this sparkly new bike is sticking in Cindy’s craw. Not so much that I spent the money, but that I did it without us agreeing on it 100% ahead of time. The fact that I took delivery of it while she was in Europe didn’t sit too well either.

I explained my position. For the first time in 28 years, I used my bonus to buy something for me. Usually it wound up in the general fund and got used for bills, family vacations, house projects – anything but something for myself. Also, in the last 2090 days I have saved well in excess of $10,000 by not smoking. In those same 2090 days, Cindy has spent that much in purchasing cigarettes. This year alone she’s about covered the cost of my bike.

Anyhow. Other stuff came up too. Things I’m uncomfortable with, things she’s uncomfortable with. One thing I’d really, REALLY like her to work on is this – When you ask me how I feel about something and I tell you, don’t immediately tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way. You asked, I told, I am not wrong about how I feel, do not try to correct me.

There was plenty more. All in all, it was a painful discussion that carried over into Thursday night too. But out of the pain there were some revelations. Cindy says I’m reading too much into things. I say she’s unaware or ignorant of the effects her actions & attitudes can have.

She (Cindy) also suggested that I stop seeing Annette. I suggested that I’d stop seeing Annette when I got my 40 minutes of 1 on 1 time with Janine and not be squeezed into the last 5 or 10 minutes of our normal sessions. (Which are supposed to be a 3 way split of a 2 hour block). Lately it’s been Cindy gets 40 – 50 minutes, we get 50 – 60 as a couple and I get to talk to Janine on our way out the door. On those rare occasions when I did get my fair share of time with Janine, Cindy never left without dropping a condescending “On, so you need your time with Janine, do you? Do you have things to talk about?” All said like she was talking to a 5 year old. Couples time is over. Shut up & go.

I gotta get to work. More later. Maybe tonight. Have a nice little blurb about Obama’s visit to our corner of New York.


One response

  1. Tough sledding all around, B. Discussing is a good thing, even if painful. Discussing is not fighting.

    Here’s what I’ve been pondering – wonder if it rings true for you? What would happen if we actually said out loud what we think when we think it? I wonder if I censor myself so much that I fail at calling BS when I see it? Like on Cindy’s parting shot on your time with the therapist…What would a healthy adult say in response? What would a non-sarcastic, boundary-setting response sound like? God knows I don’t know.

    Sh*t, this could turn into a novel in a comment, so I’ll stop now. Have a great weekend. Enjoy the bike. You’ve earned it.

    May 14, 2010 at 2:32 pm

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