Always tweaking something!

Will the last one to leave . . .

Day 2032

Got word over the weekend that son # the twoth is (was) looking for his own apartment. He’s been living with his girlfriends parents while he wrapped up at the academy and gets started on his career as a sheriff. Now that he’s advanced to graduating and working on his own and approaching the end of his probationary period, he’s gotten this crazy idea that it might be nice to live independently. Kids!

So Saturday afternoon we were being fed details about the process. He’d found some nice looking apartments much nearer to work. They had a 1 bedroom available, he was headed out to look at it Sunday. While we were waiting for a table at dinner Saturday night, we got to take a peek at the apartment complex’s web site and saw a bunch of the apartment layouts.

Sunday afternoon we get a phone call while he’s looking at the apartment that’s available. It’s the better 1 bedroom floor plan; it’s available April 1st; the deposit is less than a months rent. He signed the lease on the spot. For the first time as parents, all our chilluns are now independent human beings. Helluva mile stone, but I’m also sure that our job isn’t through.

Of course, there’s still moving in day. But first, Eric will be home tonight and tomorrow (gotta hate those 4 on, 2 off work weeks) to inventory the collection of furniture in the basement. Off the top of me head we have two couches, a love seat, a computer hutch, a dinette table, end tables, a coffee table, two bed frames, lamps, 4 calling birds and a partridge in a pear tree. No turtle doves.

His FIL to be has a beast of a truck, a friend has a trailer. The first weekend of April promises to be a bit of a workout. The apartment for which he signed a lease? Third floor. I understand that there is an elevator however, so it’s not as bad as moving into the 4th floor walk-up he had his senior year of college. (At least that one was furnished – all we had to lug was the ‘necessities’ for living.)

So in a little under 3 weeks we’ll have another independent, tax paying adult on our hands that’s actually contributing to society. What ever shall we do?

I know! Wait two weeks and send Cindy to Europe for 12 or 13 or 14 days to chaperone a school trip. Nearly two weeks of bachelorhood. Think I’ll have myself some fun. I hear a golf course calling my name. There are roads to be biked. I might even take a vacation day or two and create some 3 day weekends. I have 3 months to train for the Tour de Cure and that would be a great time to build in some base miles. Should be able to get to the point where 50 or 60 mile treks are very comfortable by then. Dare I try to fit in my Genesee river end to end tour? If I only did it from home and ride up to Lake Ontario first, it might be only 100 miles. One way. I could plan it out as a 3 day, 200 mile trip, warn Zach, take a couple vacation days and start out on a Thursday. 70 miles a day for 3 days ought to cover it. All I need is good weather; in April; in Upstate NY and north central Pennsylvania.

Yeah, right.

Couples session tonight was a hoot. For the first time, Janine has mentioned to the two of us that we might be as far as we’re going to get. She feels that what we have is definitely recoverable, but we have to get off this nasty trend we have of ping ponging shit off each other.

Cindy used to frequently ask me what I talked about in sessions with Janine and Annette. I always avoided giving any answers, believing that what was discussed between my therapists and me was private, privileged information. Last week, Cindy brought up my reluctance to share what went on in my sessions. Janine just looked at me and said “Why not share what we talk about?” My response? “Share what we just talked about, 20 minutes ago? Even THAT subject?” To which Janine replied “Sure, why not? We’re only talking what you’re worried about, what’s frustrating you. Share that with your wife!”

Since that evening, Cindy hasn’t asked again. Of course, that was the beat up Brian session that I reacted poorly to and probably uttered a few things I shouldn’t have. Could also be she doesn’t want to hear the answer.

For the record, ‘what we just talked about, 20 minutes ago’ was pretty much my frustration with Cindy’s lack of progress in gaining any emotional maturity and REAL acceptance of her dependence on alcohol and the damage it caused to our relationship. I think Janine is willing to have me share that to give Cindy a kick in the head, hoping it gives her a jump start. Plus it makes me the bad guy and possibly gets Cindy to work a little harder with Janine.

Bottom line, I need to be better about keeping the feedback loop shorter. Allowing things to fester for 3 or 4 days before I decide I’ve had enough and start asking wtf is going on obviously isn’t working. Time to face the fear of Cindy’s response and stay more in the moment.


2 responses

  1. maria in Mpls

    Sorry you are going through what you are….My husband never takes me out. If I don’t plan trips or vacations they would never take place. And yeah we only go to places he can tolerate or wants to go see.
    I am 50 and apparently still can’t make decisions for myself. ug…okay now I am venting….I would put the tickets to the country music thing up for sale on ebay or craigs list…..I am like you and really have no desire to ever listen to country music….okay I said enough hadn’t commented in awhile to say hi sooooo…..hi

    March 17, 2010 at 3:28 pm

    • bikinfool

      Not to fret too much, this is apparently my new normal. I’ll just have to figure out when I’ve given her enough time to change or had enough waiting around with no results. Then the decision will be whether or not I want to live this way.

      I haven’t officially been told, but I do believe that we will be going to the Sugarland show. Everybody BUT Cindy thought it was a fantastic idea. I think the next weekend we’ll go catch a ball game. Our local Red Wings are the Twins AAA farm team ya know!

      You’ve found a way to manage, maybe I can to. I can either change my expectations or change partners I suppose. (I think I needed to type that out loud to make it real)

      Always good to hear from you, Take care

      March 17, 2010 at 11:21 pm

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