Third Times a Charm
Day 1978 1979 1980
Dang! Missed day 1977 (& 1978 & 1979 it appears). It had a teensy bit of significance. 1977 was the year I (brace yourselves) graduated from high school. Of course, by then I was already unofficially a smoker, well on my way to firmly entrenching all the aspects of smoking as habits.
But that’s all over now, as of 1979 days ago, coincidentally the year after my Jehovah’s Witness brother graduated. Yeah, my parents really packed in the first 3 of us. Three kids in 4 years, then they took a little 5 year hiatus before lucky #4 came along. All boys. Poor Mom.
That wasn’t even the point I was here to make today though. The point I wanted to make was that dueling therapists are both very entertaining AND kinda dangerous. Not sure which one to be more concerned with at the moment.
In a nutshell, Annette, my original 1 on 1 therapist and the first one we tried couples counseling with, is all into looking out for what is best for me. Since she knows Cindy a little, and she is familiar with addition therapy & alcoholism, Annette is really disappointed with the amount of progress Cindy has made in accepting her situation and taking responsibility for her actions. She is advising me to push, push, push for Cindy to start stepping up.
Janine, our current couples counselor and Cindy’s only 1 on 1 therapist, is taking a more cautious tack. Doing the 1 on 1 work, she is seeing signs of progress with Cindy. Janine says that Cindy is starting to relax more and open up in their 1 on 1’s. For that reason, Janine doesn’t want to push things too hard for fear of losing what progress has been made.
I have the ignominious privilege of seeing too many sides to this one. I understand both counselors points, and I also want what both counselors see as the end result. (uhhhh, that’d be a stronger relationship where we both live in the moment, trust each other implicitly and are willing to be completely vulnerable for the other) (or something approaching that)
Talking with Annette this week, I made the analogy that Janine says the glacier is starting to move. Annette countered with “is the glacier moving because it’s melting, or is it just getting bigger?” It is an excellent point, and it is not a subtle difference.
I think maybe the way for me to approach this would be to be more assertive in couples session. Insist that my 4 (or 6, what ever) unanswered questions get addressed. Stop letting Cindy drag her feet and determine the pace of change. I need to be a rabble rouser, stirring the pot a bunch to show that I’m less than pleased with the rate of progress.
I’ll kick & fuss, apply the pressure while trying to not break the trust Cindy is building in Janine. Then Janine gets to work with Cindy on the issues I kick & fuss about. Those issue are my unanswered questions mostly, as they really get to the root of what I need to know before trust can be granted again.
On to lighter fare.
Bowling Thursday went ok. Did better than average, but just barely. Team wise, we took it on the chin the first game (we sucked hard), came back to barely win the second and won the third by not quite enough to take totals.
Tonight (that being Saturday) one of the local colleges drama departments is putting on the show Annie. Zach & Jill mentioned it earlier in the week and we figured why not? I thin this will be Zach’s first musical of any sort. Cindy & I saw a professional version of Annie a couple of years ago, but it’ll be interesting to see the local talent perform. That means I gotta go shave & change before we head out.