Always tweaking something!


Day 193x

It must be the perspective.  Or the experience.  Our forecast is calling for anywhere from 5 to 14 inches of snow overnight and through the day Thursday.  I just heard the weather forecasters prediction and the words “no big deal here”.  Of course, to our southwest, off the eastern end of Lake Erie they’re expecting double what we’re supposed to get.  That’s getting folks attention.

had appointments with TWO counselors today – my normal  1/1 session with Annette, and a 1/1 with our couples counselor.  Independently, they came up with similar strategies for handling the next, mmmmm, however long I decide to try this.   The thrust of the strategy is to really, really live in the moment, freely share my feelings, vigorously defend my boundaries and provide immediate, appropriate consequences for bad behavior.  All this while not fearing the reaction I may get.

Janine (the couples gal) feels we are at an impasse.  Ironically, she says we are both saying the same things in 1/1 sessions.  We both want things to work, we’re committed to staying together, and we both feel the same shortcomings in each other.  Janine feels that in order to break the impasse, someone has to make the leap of faith, dare to the lead by example.

Lucky me gets to make the leap.  Janine just feels that with Cindy still in denial of her addiction, she really isn’t going to make the jump.  Subconsciously, she wants to lag behind and maintain her link to the hooch.  The question then becomes how long to I want to be the lead dog, trying to pull this sled through the drift?   (I guarantee, the view is better when you’re the lead dog)

I hesitate to put a firm number on it.  Is a year long enough?  Two years?  I don’t know.  I think that in 6 months I’ll ask myself the same questions.  How much longer?  Can I DO another 6 months?  Has there been progress?  Do I WANT to do another 6 months?  In 6  months I might have an answer.

For those that do, say a little prayer for Eric.  Tomorrow he gets to experience pepper spray.  I told him to be prepared for a little stinging and more mucous than he ever thought a human could produce.  And bring milk.  To dive into.  At least they aren’t tasering him.  Also – 1 more week before he’s done with the state mandated portion of the academy.  Then he’s a real Sheriff.  Exciting!

Bowling tomorrow.  Yay.  Have to try for another 3 open 590 series.  That sucks by the way.  With 3 opens and a decent number of strikes, I ought to be around 630, at least.  I should video a whole night of bowling.  (Nah, not really)


3 responses

  1. B, I admire your dedication to working through this with Cindy. I know you’ve got a lot of time and emotion invested.

    As for the weather, I thought I was going to freeze this morning just crossing the paseo to get to the gym. I hate getting all bundled up, but with a wind chill of 10, it was a bit chilly. I’m sure that’s shirt-sleeve weather for you tougher types.

    Good luck with the bowling.

    December 10, 2009 at 10:23 am

  2. Bonnie

    I give you props. You are doing wonderful. I would never have lasted this long. I will say a prayer for all of you

    December 10, 2009 at 2:08 pm

  3. The question then becomes how long to I want to be the lead dog, trying to pull this sled through the drift?

    … and that question is one of the most difficult to answer, especially when you want the relationship to work.

    I admire your tenacity and dedication!

    December 10, 2009 at 8:19 pm

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