Always tweaking something!


Day 1866

Got the day wrong in yesterdays post. More a result of the post actually taking 3 days to assemble rather than my normal vowel movement style brain dump.

Got bowling tonite but by the time I get to post this, I’ll be adding tonight’s scores to the end of the post.
It is necessary to the happiness of man that he be mentally faithful to himself. Infidelity does not consist in believing, or in disbelieving, it consists in professing to believe what he does not believe.
Thomas Paine
Found this quote at another site. (credit pending approval) The author of the site is very articulate and insightful. Good solid writing, interesting sort of person.

The quote itself struck a chord in me the moment I read it. It describes the internal debate going on in my head even now. Last night’s counseling session was the first step in settling the debate.

During last nights trip into the maelstrom, I questioned, well, everything. (I hope to skip the blow by blow and just capture the highlights of the talk.) We typically split 2 hours into three sessions. Cindy does 40 minutes or so 1/1, we do 40 as a couple and I do 40 1/1. Except last night.

Last year the boys & I did the home version of the Intervention game. In counseling recently, Cindy mentioned that she wished we hadn’t waited till things got so bad before we said anything. Fair enough.

In April or May (or so), during a counseling session I when asked what I feared, I admitted that Cindy’s current level of drinking made me fear that we were headed right back to where we were two years ago – her drunk every night and me off warming myself up in another woman’s bed. I stated that while the drinking was not yet at the old level, it had certainly been on the increase and I was concerned. I did not want to return to where we were back then. After a rough few days, things got better.

In July, Cindy mentioned (in counseling) how she felt as though she were being watched 24/7, and she could tell that we (the boys & I mostly, but Jill too) rather noticeably did a ‘radar scan’ when ever we encountered her to determine just what her BAC was at the moment. She felt put off by that. My response? “Experience showed us it was the best way to proceed.” In that session we played “find the bad guy” for a bit, but eventually resolved that we’d each stick to our own side of the street. I’d turn down the radar and she’d quit trying to micro-manage things I was doing that she frankly knew nothing about. (You pick colors, I’ll do the structural shit).

Basically, I signed up to pretend to not notice. In truth, what I did was notice, record, and not say anything. I especially shut up for the New Orleans trip. I shut up when we go out to dinner and she has a beer for every one I have. I shut up when she calls me whie I’m helping the kids move, wondering how to tell when a turkey is done smoking (they start having sex) and she was obviously lit. I shut up when she calls me at bowling to confirm she’s called in our dinner order, and she’s smashed. I shut up when she starts off with a glass of wine at 11:30am on a Saturday (she denies it happened – I have witnesses).

I couldn’t not notice anymore, so last night I started to once again resolve the differences between what my head knew and what my heart wanted to believe. It doesn’t feel better yet.

I gotta get back to work for a bit.

Oh – the driveway gets ripped out today. Our cracked, chipped, beat up 40 year old black top (more like gray top) driveway is being redone. Blacktop out, fresh gravel base gets put down, we drive on it for a week to mash it in real good, then next week it gets re-paved. Just in time for snow blower season to start!!

Oh – in the cafeteria today I saw a guy pay for his lunch with a two dollar bill. I now have that very same $2 bill in my pocket. I very nicely asked the cashier (love her last name – Stonegrabber – but she keeps it covered now, so don’t tell anyone I told you, mmkay?) if I could get it in my change. Ms. Stonegrabber was happy to oblige. So now my question is do I use this new found NOT funny money to buy my 50/50 ticket at bowling ($2 for 3 tickets), or do I save it along with the Sacagawea dollar coins I have? Hmmm? I’ll wait for your votes and act accordingly net week. If you make me send it on the 50/50 and I win – I’ll split the winnings with all those that voted – haaayyy wait a minute – that doesn’t seem fair. If I DON’T spend it, you have 0 chance of winning. If I DO spend it, you have a shot at a share of the jackpot. Jackpot runs around $40, so if there are 90 votes that breaks down to $0.44 a share. Just enough to cover postage, so I’ll send you all an empty envelope. Next week. How’s that?

Now if there’s only 4 votes, which is MUCH more likely, we get a 5 way split and it would be more like $8 each. I could try to send you 4 $2 bills, or send you a batch of my gumbo or something.

Here’s a better deal yet (I’m looking at you Q) – If I happen to win the 50/50 tonight, I’ll donate the whole thing to Boobiethon, plus enough extra to make it to $50 so I get to see them ALL!! Of course, if I don’t win, I could make a donation to Livestrong tomorrow, on their big day.

So remember – Think PINK with YELLOW stripes!

I’ll post tonight’s scores & 50/50 results before posting. Unless I’m involved in a heated debate arguing about the definition of ‘social drinkng’.

After bowling now. Better night. Team took all 8. Kid bro was there and bowled his ass off. Zach was a sub for us and bowled HIS ass off. I could afford to cruise. Didn’t win the 50/50, so I’ll have to find another incentive to donate, eh?

G’Nite folks.


One response

  1. Q

    Looks like you’ve been busy while I was offline! (I’m still catching up.) Did you get into the good stuff on the Boobiethon?

    October 15, 2009 at 11:33 pm

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