Can one get a do-over of a do-over of a do-over 3 times over? I think that’s what I’d need to set me back on track after this weekend. I will try to do a reap in mini (for me) sentences.
Got a slightly late start to Eric’s swearing in. Left 100 minutes to go 100 miles plus walk 3 blocks. That pee/coffee stop on I-90 about did us in. As it turned out, we walked in during the opening prayer, so missed very little in all. Bonus? Eric got to show up on Syracuse news shows. Seems this was the largest recruiting class in quite a while for the Onondaga County Sheriff. Glad our son was a part of it.
I mention the Dinosaur BBQ here frequently. We have one in Rochester, there is (was?) one in Harlem and the original is in downtown Syracuse. Guess where we ate lunch Friday? Personally, I think the Rochester Dino is better, at least in atmosphere and facility. The food? Just damn good BBQ.
We stayed at Eric’s girlfriends (Kelly) parents a good chunk of Friday afternoon, shooting the breeze with Kelly and her parental units and going gaga every time Syracuse’s 24 hour news channel showed their snippets of the swearing in ceremony. By late afternoon/early evening, everyone was ready for a change, so Cindy rode home with Zach & Jill, I headed back into Syracuse proper for my Al Anon Assembly and Eric, Kelly & crew were released from entertainment duty.
Along about 9:30 – 10:00 I got a text message from Cindy on the crackberry supersecret messaging network. We spent the next 90 minutes in what I thought at the time was a very good conversation. I got suspicious when she mentioned that the kids (Z & J) had gone upstairs early and hadn’t come down at all throughout the evening. I kinda passed it off as them being young and able to, well, you know – having the energy and all.
Towards the end of the conversation though, the questions took a turn towards the ‘searching for validation’ mode. To me, that is signal #9 (of 20 or so) that you-know-who is drinking you-know-what. I ended things as politely as possible, begging off to get rested up for a day of meetings, from 9 straight through till 5.
I skipped the banquet at the Assembly and headed home for dinner instead. Home made linguini & (white) clam sauce trumps banquet fare every day of the week in my book. Know what? When I got home Saturday evening, Cindy had definitely been drinking. She wasn’t polluted or falling down drunk, but she was overly friendly (trying too hard) and also constantly wanting attention. Ugh. Saving grace was that she fellasleep not long after dinner. Thank God for pasta & tryptophan.
Sunday. Oh my. Spent as much time driving Sunday as I did Friday. Started with a trip to Home Depot (HD) at 9:30 to get what I needed for the day’s powder room work. Got a little ways along and realized we needed a bit more. Went back to HD to get more. Started in re-arranging the plumbing to get a nice fit with a pedestal sink. As I was cutting an old drain line, my sawz-all blade caught on the pipe briefly. Didn’t think twice about it until I was getting ready to start running the new drain and the stump of what I cut off wouldn’t stay still like it should have. Went into the basement & looked. When the blade caught, it managed to move the pipe in such a way that it cracked and completely sheared off a 45 degree elbow feeding the sanitary ‘Y’ in the main 3 inch drain stack.
After much swearing and sweating, we figured out the least invasive way to repair the damage. Needed 5 fittings (two of which I had) and run #3 to HD for the day. Got our parts, did a mental calculation of the tab, checked out and headed for the parking lot. Got in the truck, realized that the tab was less than I thought. Looked at the receipt. Saw a part on there that was incorrectly priced. Hmmm – seem it was incorrectly labeled too. So I checked the part. No – it was labeled correctly and priced correctly for the part it was. It had been in the wrong bin. I managed to grab a 3x3x2 PVC ‘Y’ (a 3 inch fitting with a 2” ‘Y’ thingy coming out the side) instead of a 3x3x1½. BIG difference. Went back into the store, grabbed the right part, did the swap, paid 1.50 more for the right part and happily went on my way. Four visits to HD in one day! At least the last one didn’t require a separate trip in the truck, just a hike through the parking lot. No small benefit in the place being less than four miles away too.
Got the drain repaired and by about 2pm we got back to where we started the day. Well, we actually DID get the old flooring stripped out before the shit hit the drain pipes. Literally. On a day when I thought we might actually get to taping & mudding the monster 4X8 space that is the powder room, we were doing well to get the last two full sheets of drywall in.
Maybe taping & mudding can begin tonight. Depends on if I want to start another conversation with Cindy about how her non-social drinking is starting to muddy things up again. I think I might, if only to get things stirred up a bit before we go to our marriage counseling Wednesday. I need to separate frank discussions about drinking & denial from the counseling. Instead of bringing the subject up in counseling and sort of blindsiding Cindy with it, it needs to be broached at home. Then we can use the counseling session to start working towards a resolution. I’d rather have the help in the ‘putting it back together’ phase than in the ‘bring up the problem’ stage.
Ahem. So, my declaration from last week. That one with the workout goals in it? Yeah. That one. Haven’t done so well with it. It’s still there, mocking me though. My pants are mocking me too. Actually, they’re squeezing me, and not in a nice way. Somehow repairing the marriage has put body maintenance in the back seat. I’ve mentioned that to both therapists, my being afraid of it happening. I need to reset priorities and find a way to communicate to Cindy that my taking care of myself does not mean I am devaluing her or our relationship. I just don’t like me when my 36’s get tight. Subconsciously, I think she’s afraid because the affair happened when I was at my fittest. I actually fit in 34’s, could do sub 24 minute 5k’s and ride a bike indefinitely. I want that back. And it will be a topic in this weeks counseling. That and how I think Cindy is undermining my drive to get fit with project after project, questionable grocery shopping choices and other button pushing techniques. Then she has the gall to ask why I don’t go to the gym like I used to. But when I’m less fit I’m less attractive to other women. Or maybe I’m less likely to be looking?
Tonight’s goals – do dinner, post this & put up the last pieces of drywall while Cindy is at AA, then after her AA meet, ask her about her definition of ‘social drinking’ and have her explain things to me so I am less confused.