Upon Further Review
Had half a post written. Re-read it just now (Thursday lunchtime). Man, what drivel. Here’s the summary:
With the couples therapist and my own 1/1 therapist, I have worked out a plan to manage my own behavior with respect to Cindy’s continued denial of her abuse of alcohol. Should the opportunity present itself, the first steps will be taken this weekend. Chances are good this will happen.
The fates have conspired to arrange a little window of opportunity. Someone Cindy knows through her AA groups will be a guest speaker at the Anniversary meeting of an Al Anon group I am familiar with. There is a good possibility that we’ll attend the event together and our two worlds will mesh just a wee bit. My hope is to use what the speaker says along with what Cindy has told me both privately & in session to get her to re-evaluate her position.
It’s kinda funny having two therapists to bounce things off of too. Janine is concerned with trying to teaching Cindy & I how to exist as a functioning couple again. Annette is concerned with making sure that through all of this, she helps me to look out for my own best interests and maybe even prepare me for the eventuality that I may become single is things don’t work out (i.e. Cindy doesn’t pull her head out of her ass, realize that she IS an alcoholic and that she really must accept the fact that she can’t drink again. Ever.) Who wants to come home to someone who is consistently either drunk, getting drunk, wanting to be drunk or recovering from their last drunk. Sadly, that’s how I see Cindy. Even if she’s not had anything for 3 or 4 days (like now), I’m positive she’s plotting how & when her next drink will happen. I’m betting it’s tonight. In our couples session she said she use Thursday nights to go see her sponsor and work her program. If last week was any example, her sponsor is the maker of Fris Vodka and her program is 20 ounce curls in decreasing increments (think about it. It’s funny really)
Enough of her. Back to me. After literally working my ass off for 2+ years and being a regular Energizer Bunny on the running & cycling machines at the gym and on the roads, I’ve kinda slumped lately. I’ve sat and thought about it and decided there are many potential causes. The one I can control is the one in my head. I need to get back that desire to go work up a good sweat again. I’m a little ashamed & embarrassed that I’ve let it slip for so long. It’s time to buckle down and get back to work. Best way for me to do that is (I think) for me to make a public declaration, hang it out there for anyone to see, then go make it happen. Make me accountable to someone besides myself, because I can be too easy on me.
So. The declaration. 6 – 10 miles a week running. Indoors or out. From now till my feet/legs can’t take it anymore. Also – at least 30 miles a week on a bike, apart from 2 – 3 hours a week in spin class. Maybe sneak in some resistance training too (weights), but that makes getting to work on time tight.
Now. To do this. Less dragging home of the work computer. Get to bed earlier. Get up earlier. Get back to sensible eating – NO MORE PEANUTBUTTER & HONEY SANDWICHES AFTER DINNER! Reserve weekday mornings from 5:30 to 7:30 and Saturday mornings from 7 – 9 for the gym. (See the need for early bed times?)
Somehow, in trying to focus on working on career and relationships I’m forgetting to work on me. Career and relationships will resolve themselves if I take better care of myself. Plus, if I end up joining the singles meat market, I can’t go around looking like some unkempt bum.
This is enlightening:
Now I have to go try and fix some radios.
Friday now. Killing time here at the zoo waiting to leave for our annual golf tournament. Unfortunately can’t post because of firewall restrictions, but I can type like a mofo. Poor you.
Bowling last night. Only Zach & I. My own brothers were otherwise engaged. Lefty & his wife were in Chicago for a wedding (and getting in a visit with their daughter in South Bend), the youngster (he’s only 41!) got stuck at work. Financial analyst, end of a fiscal quarter, no surprise. So Zach and I waged war against the enemy. Started well, won the first game, then the other team woke up. That kinda did us in. Came close the third game, but a couple of uncharacteristic opens by me (I missed TWO 7 pins. 2nd easiest spare there is for a righty) made the difference.
It was a frustrating night in that I thought my first shots were pretty good. Felt I was in good shape mechanically and was keeping the ball on target all night. Was just getting odd pin reactions and very few good breaks. Kept my wits about me for the most part. Karma will kick in and rebalance everything soon enough. Plus, I think the quicker pace last night was a factor. Two guys missing (out of only 6 bowlers) really picks up the pace. Not a lot of time to recover or reflect on results.
This weekends planned activities? Powder room re-build. With the exception of the wall that the sink & toilet are on, the old walls & ceiling are out and new mold resistant green board is going up. Wiring is roughed in. Need a reducer for the new vent fan, which is supposed to be quieter and move more air. Sink has been selected (pedestal, sort of a bisque color), matching terlet is not far behind. Flooring selected. All we really need to pick is lighting, but we’re leaning towards wall sconces flanking a framed mirror hung painting style. The function of medicine cabinet will be fulfilled by a linen cabinet included in the monstrous 7’3” x 3’7” room.
This weekend will be geared more towards procuring the remaining elements and getting the ceiling & non-plumbed walls complete. Plus, we’ll have no chilluns around this weekend, so we may have to take a few opportunities to fill our “love buckets”. That’s a reference to a book by Gary Chapman – “The Five Languages of Love”, our current homework assignment from Janine.
I gotta go get stuff done before I leave today. I just really dislike doing release notes. Hopefully I’ll get this posted tonight.