Missed It!
Day 2557
Yeah, Monday was my big 7th anniversary. Quit smoking and entered into the blogging world. About half of what I’ve posted is on Diaryland someplace, don’t even know if I can get to it anymore. Anyhow, since I quit smoking, here’s the numbers I’ve racked up:
Quit Date: 8/22/2004 7:00:00 PM
Time Smoke-Free: 2556 days, 20 hours, 41 minutes and 18 seconds
(Hence the Day # in the title of each post)
Cigarettes NOT smoked: 51137
Lifetime Saved: 13 months, 14 hours
Money Saved: $10,432.56
I’d like to amend that money saved line. That $10K is based on smokes being $4.08 a pack – the price of what I smoked when I quit. Since 2004, New York has hiked up the taxes on a pack of butts at least 3 times. It’s at the point now where what I used to get for $4 now costs $9.50!! Estimating when these tax increases took place and doing a little googling on cigarette prices here in the great state of New Taxes, I mean New York, I can safely say I’ve saved closer to $16,700.
Cindy still smokes and she’s giving me shit about buying a set of golf clubs? WTF was I thinking? In the last month she’s spent more on smokes than I spent on those silly clubs (that I LOVE) (Except for the 3 & 4 hybrids. Weird.) Anyhow, that’s old news. She’s in an indefensible position and has already wasted her martyr card. Ended up cutting off her nose to spite her face.
The interview I did last Thursday at TUV was, in a word, weird. In person, I interviewed with two guys I already know and have worked with in the past. We called their manager in Boston and had him on speaker phone during the interview session. Pete, the lead engineer locally did the bulk of the questioning while his boss, the guy in Boston, really didn’t say a whole lot. At times none of us were sure if he was still on the line, so I’d ask a question that he needed to answer just to see if he was paying attention. Felt more like I was interviewing him at times.
I think my being local is a plus for this one, and I think the guys already knowing me is a plus. My weakest area is that I can’t cite the safety regulations chapter & verse, yet. I know the major points of the two that we’ll be testing to, but there are other sections of regs that I’m not familiar with. Those deal more with consumer type products (hair dryers, dvd players, toasters) not medical laser printers, imaging arrays and x-ray generators. The local office is bombed with work, they need another engineer NOW, but if they bump into someone with more experience than I have, the learning curve may kill me.
Went to another family reunion over the weekend. I showed up all the young ‘uns and won the family golf tournament AND got named most athletic individual for the weekend. I think it was the basketball & volleyball in the gym Friday night, the golf and MORE volleyball Saturday that shocked people. Heh. They got to learn why the other half of the family nick named me “wheels” on a volleyball court. It has less to do with running and more with watching the opponent’s eyes and getting to the gaps they are aiming for. I have to admit, it is really fun getting to shots the other team thought were heading to open space. Their frustration is its own reward. Can be a little rough on the elbows & knees, but I really love the all-out style of play.
ANYHOW.
My attitude at work sucks. I’m skipping a core team meeting at the moment. They’re planning for the future. I’m planning to be elsewhere. I don’t know exactly where, but certainly not here. One thing I think I absolutely must to is take advantage of the time and get my ass and what ever else follows back to the gym. Long bike rides, weights, cross train with running. It’s time to start fit day again and get very particular about what I eat. I’ll have time to prepare decent meals, I’ll have time to work out, I’ll have time to pound the job search. Might even finish that damned bathroom.
Speaking of bathroom – it got primed last night. Tonight I’m going to clear out everything but the essentials and get the underlayment put down. Then I can think about dropping the shower pan in place, getting the Durock up and getting the waterproof membrane installed. Ceiling paint, wall paint, cabinets, couple of little plumbing details – all that stuff might get crossed off the “to do” list by the end of the weekend. Gonna be busy, but it’ll keep me out of trouble.
Speaking of trouble, I need more primer. Later folks . . .
Thanks, but . . .
Day 2487
Gotta admit, I’m kinda tweaked. Tonight was the 34th Anniversary meeting for the Al Anon group I attend. It’s a big deal for the group. We invite guest speakers, bring in food, announce the meeting at other area meetings and invite friends from those groups. At 34 years, this group is one of the oldest in the area too.
Every anniversary meeting this group has I bring in pizza bread. Simple to make, packs a lot of flavor into a 3 or 4 bite (or 2 bite?) serving. Folks rave over it (I think they’re surprised a guy cooks, frankly) Monday night on my way home from work I picked up the necessaries to make a couple of loaves.
Tuesday afternoon I was trying to wrap up a few things at work before I left. I got home in time to throw together my pizza bread, let it cook, grab a bite for dinner and head out to the meeting with some nice, fresh, warm bread.
Well. I got home a little after 6 to find that Cindy had made the pizza bread. In spite of my disappointment at not being able to make the food I was taking to my meeting (note the 1st person singular pronouns!!!), the first words out of my mouth were “gee, thanks for making the pizza breads for me” – and I really tried to make it sound sincere.
Unfortunately, there were some issues with the dough I had bought. We typically make this stuff with the Pillsbury Pipin’ Hot Loaf pre-made bread dough in the pop-open cans. For the life of me, I couldn’t find the Pipin’ Hot Loaf. Left with no clear winner, I substitute a couple of cans (tubes? Pop-open thingamajiggies?) of the French Bread. Apparently Cindy had trouble getting it out of the can, then the shape of the French loaf wasn’t what she was used to, so she tried to re-shape it with a rolling pin. The dough ripped & tore, the shape was all wrong, and in spite of all this she still layered in the mozzarella & pepperoni, shaped it into a giant “U” on the cookie sheets and baekd it anyhow.
When I opened the oven, all I saw was loaves of bread that were cracked open all up & down their length with cheese & pepperoni grease leaking out all over the place. What bread wasn’t awash in cheese or pepperoni grease was welded to the baking sheet.
My reaction was along the lines of “I can’t take these to me meeting. I have to get to the store and get the stuff to remake them”. So off I went to the store to re-stock. Found the tubes of Pillsbury pizza dough this tie too! Got home, pulled the now finished, mis-shapen, leaking loaves out of the oven and immediately bent a spatula trying to scrape the loaves out of the cookie sheets I needed to make the new ones.
I got a more stout spatula (after retiring the first one to the trash – which got mysteriously bent into a pretzel) and scraped the loaf out best I could and took the cookie sheet to the sink. At the sink I find no SOS pads. Under the sink I find no box of fresh pads. Figures that’s the one thing we leave off this weeks grocery list.
Managed to clean that cookie sheet and its twin minus the SOS pads. Prepped to make the loaves. Opened my cans of dough without incident, got them on the sheets, did the egg wash, spread some ricotta, layered in the pepperoni and added the mozzarella. Fold, fold, roll & pinch the ends. Move to loaf two, repeat the process. 30 minutes, 350 degrees in a convection oven. (40 min at 400 in a regular oven)
Pulled out two gorgeous loaves, wrapped them and took off to my meeting where I was only a little late in helping to set up. Crisis at the meeting averted.
Crisis at home NOT averted. Once I saw the condition of the loaves Cindy had made I think I was clearly upset.
A – they turned out horribly.
B – they were for ME to make and take to MY meeting
C – they were MY contribution to MY groups celebration
D – I initially got the wrong dough. Had I been allowed to figure that out, I would have made different choices than Cindy did in deciding to try and make the dough I had work. Would have saved me a pack of pepperoni and a pound of mozzarella.
E – I wanted to make them a little different than I had in the past, Cindy didn’t know that therefore she couldn’t have done what I wanted.
F – SHE NEVER ASKED
G – She was already drunk when I got home.
H – I will not be apologizing for much of anything. Actions were taken on my behalf without my prior knowledge or approval. I appreciate and acknowledged the fact that Cindy “was only trying to help”, but damnit – if you’re trying to help, why fuck up my stuff?
No, I didn’t tell her that. I initially thank her for making the bread (before I saw the results). I did tell her I appreciated her efforts. What I haven’t yet told her is that I really, really resent her taking all the decisions about what to do about MY gift to the group out of my hands and making a total mess out of it.
I couldn’t tell her actually. She’s stayed out of my sight since ‘The Event’. When I got home from my meeting, I heard her (drunkenly) lumber up the stairs to bed. I can’t wait to get up there, get in bed and ask her to roll over and get her booze breath out of my face. Too bad the spare bedrooms are full of all the stuff out of our closets and the old master bath. No room in the spare rooms.
A speaker at our meeting tonight (the Al Anon speaker I invited) said something that really made an impression on me. It had to do with really letting go and letting the alcoholic crash & burn for themselves.
In my head, I know this to be true. Might be time to really think deep about if & how I am still enabling and take some steps to eliminate that. Know it in my heart and live it. Find the denial and melt it away.
In Lieu of . . .
Day 2468
Didn’t ride my bike in to work today because it was supposed to be pouring by early evening. I packed my gym bag instead, pretty much resigned to hitting up a spin class tonight.
Imagine my disappointment when I checked the hourly forecast later in the afternoon and learned the rain was supposed to hold off till 9pm or so. Imagine my delight when I got a phone call from Cindy on my way to the gym. She was calling to tell me she was begging off on spin class. (The reason for that is a story unto itself.)
Since it wasn’t supposed to rain for 3 or 4 hours and my hot date at spin class evaporated, I called an audible. Rather than hit the gym, I headed home, donned the spandex shorts and picked a route – my Churchville/Spencerport/Chili loop. Nice little 34.4 mile jaunt – just what I needed after the weekends 28 mile ride.
Geared up & took off. 5 miles in I noticed a ‘twang’ sound as I took off at an intersection. 5 miles later I stopped for a drink of water and checked my rear wheel. Sure enough, I snapped a spoke. Wheel wobbled but didn’t rub the frame. I twisted the busted spoke around some of the good ones and kept going. 17-ish miles out I ran into a little patch of drizzle, but there was no substance to it. At least by then I’d turned for home.
Long story short, got in a lovely ride. Beat the hell out of spin class (sorry Maria!) (Like she reads this!) 34.5 miles, 1:54 saddle time. Felt freakishly strong at the end too – Want to try and sneak in a 50 miler over the weekend and another 50+ miler next weekend. Then I’ll feel ready for the Tour. Maybe.
More on Cindy’s impromptu day off next time.
Duathlon de Cure?
Day 2458
I just checked a weather map of the country. Maybe it’s me, but with a few isolated exceptions, it seems Mother Nature is really pissed off at the northeast this spring. Yet another weekend went by with no significant outdoor riding accomplished.
Saturday we headed to Syracuse for Kelly’s graduation ceremony. Eric’s fiancé is now a graduate of her nursing program – all that’s left is for her to take & pass her boards and she’ll be ready to tackle the working world. I didn’t get a chance to quiz her on when she’s planning on taking the tests, but I do know she has only two section left to study for – pediatrics and one other whose title I can’t quite remember. The real question is if she’ll be taking them before the wedding or not. Time will tell.
Sunday it rained all day. Actually, it started Saturday night, continued Sunday, has carried on into Monday and is predicted to last until Thursday or something, which will probably force golf to cancel, again. (After last week, that may be a blessing.)
So. Sunday. Rain. Terrible day to be on the roof trying to install the last of the plumbing vents. So I puttered around inside, got the shower drain in place and started running the supply lines. I was considering using PEX with the Sharkbite fittings for the supply until I read the latest Home Depot ad and saw the price of the fittings!
I can get 100 feet of the PEX tubing for $25. Too bad I only need about 30 feet. 30 feet of Type M copper (the thicker walled stuff) runs about $45. Sharkbite “T” fittings run $9.50 each – I’d need 4. Elbows run about $5 each, again, I’d need 4. Then there’s the adapters to the faucet fittings (4), adapters to the bath tub & shower (4) and one last adapter for the toilet. I gave up looking at prices at this point because while the PEX might be quick & easy, it ain’t cheap. I’m comfortable sweating (soldering) copper joints and I have gobs of fittings so I’m sticking with copper for this one last plumbing job. So I got to snort some solder smoke this weekend too. I head a little lead can be good for you, especially in your pencil!
Oh – about the title of this post. Considering our recent spate of ducky weather, I was going to write to the head of the local Tour de Cure and suggest we switch it over to a bike & swim event – hence the “Duathlon”. Maybe bike 50 miles and swim for two. If it weren’t for the fact that I swim rather like a stone, I might be tempted. (Yes, duathlons are usually bike/run, but the swimming seemed more appropriate given the weather).
In other news, got two more bites on the resume postings, neither with phone interviews yet, but I hope they are looming on the horizon. Have a few follow-ups to do this week too. Need to get back to my matrix and get it updated and get some more applications going.
In other other news, stuff I am loathe to share but need to keep track of somewhere (so I get to torture you with it too!) Cindy’s drinking is slipping – nudging it’s way back to where it was in little fits & starts. Yesterday was one of the more remarkable days for depth, but Wednesday, Thursday & Friday were lighter drinking days too. For the record, I did have a couple beers after golf Wednesday, I also had a beer Friday evening and two more at Kelly’s parents house Saturday. That’s a lot for me – 5 beers in 5 days. Cindy tends to start with her favorite whiskey & ginger ale, then will switch to beer if I have one. By then though, the damage is done and she’s so far ahead of me on the BAC curve that there’s never a point in the evening where I can say “Gee, I could almost tolerate this”. Not I get really far up the curve on 2 or 3 beers either.
So why do I?
Good question and I’m glad you asked. I really don’t know. In my gut, I think it’s tied to a reluctance to make a change. Fear of change? Meh – probably. Fear of what the kids would think? Not so much. The subject has come up with them. They’d be ok with it. They know what’s up. Fear of losing the house? I’ll admit to that one. Fear of “what the heck will I do now?” Certainly. This subject is worthy of an inventory. Think I’ll go do one now. Maybe I’ll even share the results, then let you guys call BS on anything I’m trying slip through.
Later . . .
Edited to add:
We are to take delivery of our new bath tub Friday between 10 and 2. I will be home all day long. If the weather doesn’t suck, I’ll get out for a bike ride and plan to be home by 9:30. (3 hours of riding, I might get in 50 miles). If it’s raining, I might just have to work on the bathroom instead. Regardless, I also plan to try and get in 60+ miles on Sunday – very, very early. Anyone want to join me? (yes, I’ll let you drive the pace car instead)
Valentines Schmalentines
Day 2667
In this, Cindy and I agree wholeheartedly. Neither of us buys in to the Valentines Day hype. No chocolates, no flowers, no cards, dinner won’t be anything more than a quick Chicken Piccata (I had to add that to the dictionary? Really?) easily thrown together using pantry staples.
So Valentines Day – Bah Humbug! We refuse to buy overpriced crap just to use it as some measure of how much we love each other. Real love demonstrates itself every day – taking the time to scrape ice off a car, holding doors open, sharing a meal, suffering through yet another made for TV movie on LMN, or hanging on to catch the end of the hockey game. Love can’t be found in a dozen overpriced, medium stemmed roses that are on their last legs the minute you open the box.
Not my arrow – I use green & white fletchings, not feathers!
Besides, the cabinets are full of vases kept from previous displays of fiscal buffoonery. We’ve agreed that after 30-some years of knowing each other, (We actually started hanging out together in 1975 fer cripes sakes!), Valentines Day tokens were unnecessary. For younger relationships, or YOUR relationship, you just gotta do what ever works for you. Lord knows you don’t need relationship advice from me. Unless you’re looking for a way to torpedo your current situation.
Anyhow.
I keep promising to myself that I won’t notice, that I won’t keep track. After all, doing that is really only a futile attempt to control the situation, right? Bah – noticing or being aware of your surroundings isn’t an attempt at control – it’s more like a self preservation tactic.
Lately, I’ve been miserable at not keeping track. It was easier to not notice when the unassisted drinking was happening once a week or less. Lately, that hasn’t been the case. As a matter of fact, these are the dates in the last two weeks when Cindy has gotten to the mush mouth, googly-eyed, waving in the breeze while standing still state – 2/1, 2/5, 2/8, 2/10, 2/11 & 2/13.
2/1 & 2/8 were after a counseling session, while I was at an Al Anon meeting. It’s amazing how much damage can accumulate from 6:30 to 9:30.
2/5 was the Saturday I had the flu. I had one beer & decided that I was too feverish to have another.
2/10 was my last bowling night. I love coming home to find her already drinking/drunk.
2/11 She’d had one of her quart high-balls before I got home. We went out to dinner (a microbrewery no less), each had two beers (one while waiting, one with dinner). Back at home, she downed a couple more. She ‘fell asleep’ on the couch. I let her stay there when I went upstairs to bed.
When she finally came upstairs, she tried to negotiate for room on the bed by elbowing me in the head. After she grabbed her pillows and went stomping off to one of the other rooms, I checked out how much room she had. Not sure what she was complaining about, I was taking up less than half the bed. And yes, I’m a wee bit bigger than she is.
2/13 was last night. She didn’t start up drinking till after Zach & Jill went home. She made up for lost time and was marble eyed before dinner.
What’s that, 6 out of the last 14 days? I’ve had 4 beers in that time.
A week from tomorrow we’re leaving on vacation. We’re going someplace warm to kill off Cindy’s February break week (some vestige of the 70’s energy crisis when schools were shut down for a week to save energy costs during the winter. Now we can’t get rid of the damn thing.) I don’t want to run the risk of ruining vacation by bringing up the miserable control over drinking that Cindy is displaying right now. Instead, I think I’ll wait till after vacation and have a little come to jesus meeting on my own – preferably the day before the first counseling session after vacation. It would be better to really piss her off when we got back, and then let her go running to Janine (the counselor) to vent. Borderline diabolical I say.
Think that’s what’s flavoring my anti-Valentines Day mood lately?
Nah. I’m just a curmudgeon is all.
Coming Clean(er)
Day 2360
Finally, the back story to that “Product of Silence” post inspired by Kristine
I need to ensure that people understand that I’m not an innocent little lamb here. There are a couple of long time readers that may be tempted to call BS on parts of that letter because they know more of the whole story. (Nothing I wrote was untrue, but without the back story, it may not have the right flavor) So here’s the Readers Digest version.
Circumstances 6 or 7 years ago were much different, my mother-in-law had just succumbed to cancer and there was just a ton of other stuff going on. Looking back on things, there were signs of problems long before that.
Those signs? Always wanting one more drink before leaving a bar, problems with passing out at home, being inappropriately drunk in public, so many examples of coordination issues – falling down stairs (at restaurants no less than three times), tripping down bleachers in hockey rinks, falling UP the stairs in the garage, falling down the stairs into the basement (again, no less than 3 times). Another thing that became apparent while reflecting on things was an oddball form of control I tried to employ. One method of keeping Cindy from drinking I used was to try and make sure there was less around for her to drink. Pouring the stuff out was too obvious, so I would drink it instead. Genius plan, no?
I made a conscious decision to quit smoking, August 22, 2004, and then about 4 – 5 months after that I made a serious commitment to lose weight. From my post-Army ‘fighting weight’ of about 175 (at a whopping 6 feet tall), over the years I had ballooned up to 265, my blood pressure was borderline high, my cholesterol was beyond borderline high and I was approaching pre-diabetics status.
Built my own diet, joined the Y, started working out like a mad fool. Took a little break late summer/early fall of 2005 after having shed nearly 50 lbs. Cindy had a DVT in her right leg and the ensuing hospital visits & sorta helping her through what she needed derailed my weight loss for a bit.
Got it back on track over winter and by summer of 2006 I was down to a svelte 185, could run a 5K (3.1 mile) road race in about 23 minutes and was preparing for the first of several 100 mile bike rides.
In the process of losing weight, I had to make a choice about where my calories came from. Since I preferred eating to drinking, I severely cut back on my own alcohol consumption. This did two things. First, it saved me several thousand calories a week. Second, it made it apparent to me just how much Cindy was drinking. It seemed that the more weight I lost, the more she drank. It got to the point where she was drinking 5 or 6 nights a week and was usually nodding off on the couch around 8pm. The more she drank, the less we communicated. In efforts to reach out to someone, anyone, she would start drunk dialing her friends and her mothers friends, all to talk about how bad she’d been feeling ever since her mom died. Well, people don’t feel bad about hanging up on a drunk and with caller ID they’ll eventually stop picking up when they see your number calling in. Cindy got isolated and drank herself deeper into her pit of depression.
Here’s where I really fucked up. I met a person. Emails at first, then phone calls, then meeting at a coffee shop. That turned into visits to watch movies that eventually turned into visits to go hide in her bedroom and take out our frustrations on her mattress for a couple hours at a whack.
I had long since joined Al Anon in an effort to understand where I was and what I could do. I’d been in long enough to know the ropes and got myself picked to be a group rep. Group reps attend a big 2 day shindig every fall where 8 hours a day are dedicated to the inner workings of Al Anon. The other 16 hours a day I dedicated to the inner workings of my new playmate that joined me on the trip.
I eventually got busted. Not in flagrante delicto, but I’m sure enough signs & symptoms were there. That led to Cindy & I seeing a marriage counselor and starting to work things out. We had to establish conditions under which we’d each be willing to work towards reconciling things. The biggies were that I would terminate my affair and Cindy would get help & quit drinking. After that, we’d have to re-learn how to communicate again.
The first counselor didn’t pan out, (too ‘in your face” for Cindy – called her on her crap and wouldn’t budge) so we switched to the counselor we’re still seeing today. Things are obviously not ALL peaches & cream; there are trust issues on both sides and other character defects that need to be addressed. But we’re working on many of them with the counselor.
So here we are two years or so into the counseling work I’ve broken off all contact with my ‘friend with benefits’. One of my diversions & a means of escaping the problems of the day were gone. The part about Cindy quitting her drinking had somehow been modified into her not drinking to excess or ‘controlling’ her drinking. In case you were wondering, this it totally counter to the teachings of AA. Incase you were wondering, Cindy still attends meetings 3 times a week. I’ve pointed out this dichotomy a couple times in the past. I’ve asked for some clarification, a dedication to one camp or another. It seems that Cindy prefers to hang on to the belief that she is one of the 5% or less of problem drinkers that an somehow retrain themselves to be a successful social drinker. I won’t deny the possibility, but recent events have me believing that she is NOT in the minority and she will eventually slip.
All of that, and more, is what lead to that letter from the “Product of Silence”.
Oh – the day counts at the head of each post? That’s how long since my last smoke. As of 2/7/2011 it’s nearly 6.5 years.
Moderation Motivation
Day 2329
Talk about moderation! I’ve had this post in draft form for two days now. Had to significantly edit it to get it current (and sanitize it some) (edited to add, I decided to screw the sanitizing) then add on last nights activities. Here we go:
Here’s one for you. Apart from putting up the Christmas tree this year, we had ZERO other decorations put up. Or out. What ever. I offered on at least two occasions to haul up the 6 or 7 totes of deorations AND the two dozen or so miniature houses (lighthouses, stores, etc.) that we typically display on top of the kitchen cabinets and other tall-ish furniture. Both offers were noticeably ignored.
We also made ZERO Christmas cookies this year. No frosted sugar cookies, no bark, no toffee or peanut brittle, no peanut butter balls, fudge or divinity. Not that I’m complaining on this one. Having none of that stuff around eliminates the need to daily (or hourly) decide that, “no, I DON’T need that right now”.
You may well be wondering how this came about. (You may well also not give a hoot, so you best close your eyes, I’m gonna tell you anyhow.) Early in 2010, at one of our counseling sessions, I commented aloud about how I didn’t understand two things. The first was why we turned the entire house upside down for a weekend so all the regular décor could be packed up and all the Christmas stuff could be put out on display. Then in a month we’d reverse the process just to get the house back to normal. I also mentioned something about every flat surface in the house having some sort of ornamentation on it. To my eye, it looked overdone, crowded, cluttered and I sorta resented the time investment required of me. I resented that time investment even more when my own input to the craziness was not acknowledged. What was my input? Besides hauling every stinking tote and box up from the basement, I was also responsible for putting all the miniature houses up above the cabinets, running the cords to them (in the last kitchen re-do I installed outlets up there!!) and very painstakingly threading the garland between, around and behind all the little *&%*@ houses, tweaking every single stinking branch. The alternative (doing nothing) makes the garland end up looking like a green road-kill squirrel – sorta flat & fuzzy. I’m very anal about it – if I’m going to do it, it has to end up looking decent.
The other half of the deal (the cookies) presented a different problem. We had dozens upon dozens of cookies. We gave quite a bit to the kids & neighbors, but there were always tons left. If I broke down and had some (regularly), Cindy would peck at me about eating all the cookies. On the flip side, if they weren’t eaten they were thrown out. To me, this begs the question – why make shit just to throw it out? Why make it, then give me a hard time about eating it?
When I brought both items up in counseling last year, I offered a compromise. Take note of what cookies got tossed (toffee & white bark mostly – too sticky!) and don’t make any of that stuff. For the rest – make about half of what we normally make.
As for the decorating, I was willing to compromise with just doing a little less. Lets not cover every flat surface with something. Maybe acknowledge that other people invest their time & effort in decorating too. Just yesterday I thought of another compromise position – pick a theme and use decorations that fit the theme.
But. What we got this year was the results of a decision Cindy made long ago. She’d decided (probably when I first brought it up) that she would just not do ANYTHING for decorating or cookie making this year – in hopes that it would elicit some sort of response out of me.
Careful what you wish for, huh? Cindy & I talked about the situation some in between real Christmas and our family celebration. She admitted that she denied herself her own pleasure (going absolutely bonkers with the decorating & baking) in hopes that the lack of it all would bother me and I’d react somehow. Silly girl. All those years in Al Anon have helped me to recognize when my buttons are being pushed. Best reaction to a button pusher? Don’t rise to the bait. Her plan to irk me only made her a martyr to herself and actually went a long ways (too far really) towards giving me what I wanted all along.
This issue is far from resolved (it’s also not a deal or marriage breaker). Personally, I think Cindy’s reaction was misguided and immature. I haven’t told her that, but I have told her that I just didn’t understand her motivations. Her main point? I (and apparently everyone else) didn’t appreciate the effort she was making FOR US in doing all the decorating. In reality, it’s not that I didn’t appreciate it, but I would appreciate it MORE if there were LESS of it and my own efforts were acknowledged and appreciated.
Janine’s position is that it’s once a year, Christmas is obviously really important to her (duh – I knew that), just let her have it. Help out & step out of the way. Well I have, for 20-something years. It’s just been getting crazier, so I decided to offer up my opinion. I have learned (possibly incorrectly) that sharing my opinion often results in odd behavior from the receiver of said opine. Maybe it’s my delivery? Hell if I know.
Anyhow.
Bowling tonite. I so excite!! (Read that with a SE Asian accent) It’ll be nice to bowl tonight knowing that I won’t collapse from lack of energy in the 3rd game like I did last week. Oh, the potential last week had! It was one of my higher 2 game totals of the year and typically the third game is my best. Ah well. There’s always this week!
Oh!!! Years & years ago, Cindy & I discussed going to an all inclusive resort in Cancun some year. Well, she has February break coming up soon. I’m thinking a trip is in order. Did some research, prices for all inclusives are scary but considering you never have to pay for a meal or a drink – maybe it isn’t so bad. I need to get a passport (For Mexico? Sad. Can I just use the passport card? Anyone know? Bueller?)
Now we’re at Friday lunch time. Well, I am – I don’t know WHAT you’re doing. Shouldn’t be working, should you? Hmmmm.
Bowling last night was challenging. As a team, we took it on the chin and lost all 8 points. I an clearly claim that A – it wasn’t MY fault, B – the other team just bowled really freakin’ well. For the record, I was the only guy on our team to hit or beat his average for the night. Matter of fact, I beat it by enough to up the old average by another 0.6 pins, so on the league stat sheet I will show up with my highest average ever next week – a whopping 197.1 Keep in mind that my youngest brother, K, is averaging 204 and Lefty (D) was sitting at 230. Until last night anyhow. Early in the season I was at 182 & K was a gaudy 235. Told him I’d meet him at 200 by the end of the season. It’s gonna be scary close.
Couple of oddities from last night. Had 4 open frames all night. Also had 4 splits, but converted one of them. That cancels out the silly single pin spare I missed. The other oddity is that probably half of the strikes I got last night all came in the 10th frame. Struck out (3 strikes) in the 10th of the first & second games and had 2 of 3 in the third game. 2nd & 3rd games also had strikes in the 9th, so there were some big, fast finishes. Too damn bad the other team was so far ahead of us. Just couldn’t close the gap.
Oohh! I have that lovely 5 gallon batch of Irish Stout (think Guinness) to bottle this weekend. In another 3 weeks I’ll be sampling it. Kinda looking forward to it.
I Want My MTV?
Day 2259
Before I get to the title, I have to unload a quickie about this douchebag driver I ran across yesterday.
As I was getting on the expressway yesterday morning, I made my way up the acceleration ramp and was getting ready to merge into the right lane. To my left, in the right lane, I saw the front bumper of a white pick-up truck. This truck was all done up as a construction/electrical contractor vehicle – big equipment boxes on the back, ladder racks, etc.
I was doing about 50 as I neared the end of the ramp and was easily keeping pace with the truck. I tried accelerating a little more so I could slide in front of him, but the driver of this truck managed to accelerate with me, keeping pace. With me running out of ramp room, I had little choice but to slow down, let him get past me, then slide in behind him.
This was when I found out that this truck had plenty of room to move into the next (middle) lane and let me in. Why he didn’t I’ll never know.
Anyhow. After I got on the expressway (finally), I made my way over to the left lane so I could pick up my next exit. As I am watching in my rear view mirror, Mr. Construction Truck Driver decides that NOW is a good time to move over a lane, so he does. No signal (it’s the law ya know), going slower than surrounding traffic and cutting off some other driver in his new lane. Drivers like that just irritate me. They drive like there is no one else on the road, like nothing they do will have an impact on any of the other people flying around at 60 mph.
Wish we could give out citizens citations for dick head drivers. Pile up enough citations and your license would get restricted until you took, at your own expense, a 40 hour polite driving course. Too bad the system would probably get abused by other crappy drivers falsely reporting incidents just for spite. Ahh well . . .
So. MTV. Heard of the shoe “Made” on MTV? Anyone over 40 probably hasn’t. I have only heard of it because I have kid in their 20’s. Anyhow. Some local gal (Vanessa or Victoria – something like that), late teens or early 20’s, has apparently been picked to have her own episode or series or what ever. I don’t know what she will be “Made” into, but part of her making it involve getting into aerobic shape apparently.
Wednesday night in spin class, they were taping her as she was doing spin class with us. Much of the time the camera woman (a skinny little thang from Brooklyn with floral print bikini underwear exposed above her very low rise jeans – is that professional?) was all up in Ms. V’s face getting close ups of her gritting her teeth and sweating. Other times she was backed off a bit getting a wider view, probably including a good chunk of the class. I think I might have gotten included in the background of several shots.
After class, we all (30+ people) were asked our names & phone numbers then asked to sign waivers or not. If we didn’t mind having our sweaty, flushed, dripping mugs displayed on national TV, we signed. IF we wanted to have our faces fuzzed out, we didn’t sign.
I signed. I was also wearing one of my Twin 6 T-shirts, so maybe I could do little free advertising for Brent & the boys. It was doing a GREAT job of soaking up some sweat. A little publicity for my favorite bike gear/t-shirt shop couldn’t hurt, eh?
So if you happen to catch MTV: Made sometime in the next year and see an episode from Rochester or the Westside YMCA and you see a guy wearing a screaming red t-shirt that reads “Cat 6” on the front – wave.
Bowling last night. Oi! First game I started out with two splits. Picked them both. Followed that up with a strike. Made the mistake of relaxing a bit because I thought I was lined up ok. NOT! Got 3 more splits that game, didn’t pick any of those and wound up shooting 34 pins below my average. My partners fared much better and as a team we ended up taking the first game. Towards the end of that first match, I did manage to make some corrections and find a more consistent line.
For the night though, I only missed my average by 15 pins. Not a horrible night, but there were 3 or 4 brain farts where I missed easy spares. Always room to improve.
Good night for the team. Earned an 8 point sweep. Started the night in 3rd place but don’t know how the teams above us did. At least we know that those behind us can’t get closer!
Settled a couple of issues with Cindy last night too. One was a concession on my part, the other was an acknowledgement on hers. My concession? Cut down to one counselor. I’d been using Annette as a sort of coach in this whole marriage counseling thing, but since she never really got Cindy’s side of the story, she was operating on limited information. Not like I was telling her any untruths, but everything was always slanted my way. So I’ll stop seeing Annette and focus on my work with Janine.
Cindy’s acknowledgement? That in spite of asking me a question and getting my answer, she’ll go on ahead doing what she wants, even if the question she asked me was about what I wanted.
Example. Sunday night we were making Greek Patty Melts for dinner (Wamb Burgers). Cindy asked my if just a salad was enough to go with the burgers. I said yes, just a salad would be plenty. She proceeded to get out some leftover fingerling potatoes to warm up in the microwave. I just let it slide.
Later, as we were wrapping up the cooking, Cindy was getting ready to start the microwave. I asked her if she was having all the potatoes. She said that she’d have a few, but thought I wanted the rest. I reminded her that I said that just a salad was plenty for me, I didn’t want the potatoes. Guess what got put back in the fridge?
Last night, I brought that episode up again. Cindy asked a question. I gave an answer. Cindy did what she thought I needed, in spite of what I really answered. What I reminded her last night: I am a guy. I am linear. You ask me what I want, I tell you what I want. No hidden agenda, no reading between the lines, no interpreting my answer. Accept what I say and act on THAT, not on what you think I want.
Tonight I’m going to work on that “favor” she owes me for moving those plants to her office at work. It’s been two weeks and she hasn’t paid up. She really doesn’t want to get a reputation for going back on her word or not paying her debts.
Supposed to be chily tonight (40′s). Hot tub is going to feel awesome.
The Beginning
Day 2207
The beginning of the end.
This is a Sugar Maple leaf I found in the yard this afternoon. Fall is coming, as evidenced by the absence of the window fan the last few nights. Hate to say it, but it feels good.
Last night I chose to not sit out on the back porch, in the cool evening air, tolerating cigarette smoke and watching Cindy just drink more, all under the guise of ‘having a conversation’. Today I feel less guilty about making that choice than I ever have. Cindy still hasn’t asked why I didn’t join her in the hot tub last night, so I’ll have to fill in the blanks for her tonight, before our 1 on 1 sessions with Janine tomorrow.
Bowling starts up again this Thursday!
I got Very Little
Day 2189
I’m trying out this for more blogs to follow:
This is frightening. I have nothing post worthy to say, so I’ll likely fill a page with senseless drivel and post it anyhow.
Cindy made it to & from the out of state funeral service without incident. She got me a GPS for Christmas that we made good use of on our vacation – but I was the one driving the controls (for better or worse). For her trip, we programmed in all the addresses she’d need, got her comfy with choosing destinations and turned her loose. The odd thing is that after 40 some years of making that trip, the GPS picked an entirely different route than either of us was used to. Guess it worked, seeing as she successfully navigated both ways, eh?
My evening of bachelorhood also passed without incident. How can you screw up this schedule? – get home from work, grab dinner, feed the fish, head out to the weekly Al Anon meeting, get home again, putz around for a bit & hit the hay. Strenuous schedule.
Here’s another oddity. For the last week or so, I’ve been getting these nasty headaches, right behind my left eye. Feel not unlike someone is jabbing me with an ice pick. Once the headache starts, I notice that, geeze, I can’t get any air through the left side of my nose. A few blasts of Afrin, handful of (3) Advil and an hour later I feel human again. Know when I didn’t get a headache? The night Cindy was in Delaware.
She rolled in last night about 9:30 and sure enough, by midnight my head was throbbing. It kinda sucked because I really needed to be in at work by 7:00 this morning which means a 6:00 am wake-up call. Getting up at midnight to start my headache fix, knowing it’d be at least 30 minutes before I could get back to sleep wasn’t doing a lot to improve my mood either. Like I’m the one with the morning grump problem.
If this sinus headache thing keeps up, I’m going to have to break down and get it looked at. Which brings up problem number 29,402 – my primary care physician hightailed it for Atlanta last month and I have yet to pick a new doc. The good news here is that this doctors office had slowly migrated. Combining their moves with my own, I went from having a doc only 2 miles away to having to travel closer to 15 miles. Around here, that’s from the suburbs on the west side of the city (me) to the burbs on the east side (doc). Less than ideal. So now I get to look for a new doc. On the west side. That is hopefully has a similar demeanor to my former doc. Sometimes I think I’d like a more “in your face” approach, but it’s more likely I’d find that off-putting and end up switching. Truth be told – I’ve never switched doctors either. They have a way of leaving me.
Just got an electronic statement for my EZPass – that RF tag dealie we use to pay expressway tolls here in the north east. I just did a little summary from our vacation earlier this month. Between the New York State Thruway (I-90 for my purposes) I-95 through New Hampshire and I-95 & II295 in Maine we paid $25 in road tolls! That RF tag makes it too painless! The nice part? EZPass tagged cars get through the toll booths really fast. There are EZPass only lanes. Don’t know why people wouldn’t switch after seeing EZPass enabled cars zoom past long lines of cars waiting for the traditional toll paying ritual.
I’ve been trying to hold off on this one, but I gotta let some leak out. Cindy has asked me to be less of a Nazi when it comes to her & alcohol. So I’ve been trying that. I’ve shared that I think if she believes that she can control her drinking she’s just fooling herself. She’s stepping onto a very slippery slope. If and when she slips, I will maintain my non-Nazi position. However, with that she has to know that I will also not provide cover for her problem. I won’t blab it to the world (just the internet apparently) and I will do my damndest to not enable. I DO reserve the right to one very big “I told you so”.
That being said – I can see the escalation happening. When she got home from Delaware Wednesday night she apparently stopped and picked up a hip flask bottle of her favorite hooch. She helped herself to a single drink Wednesday night. I think. Last night, she was drinking when I got home. She apparently finished off that flask while I was mowing the yard (she was “doing laundry”) then poured herself a beer just before we hopped in the hot tub. (I had a single beer too – a Bar Harbor Brewery Summer Ale.) When a thunderstorm forced us out of the tub, Cindy helped herself to another beer. By then (to paraphrase George Thourogood), she was plenty high. I was plenty done for the night. Again, you could almost hear the ‘click’ as I disconnected.
I must re-affirm to Cindy just where I want this border to be – i.e. when she chooses to have more than one or two drinks, or gets to the point where it’s obvious to me that she’s been affected by booze, I choose to not have to deal with her. The question is when. We’re headed to a Pat Benatar & REO Speedwagon concert Sunday evening. Do I re-state the boundary tonight (Friday) and risk ruining the concert? Do I wait till the Monday after the concert, which happens to be the day before our next scheduled couples therapist visit?
My problem is I fret too much over the repercussions. I fret to the point where I just stuff the concerns and never raise a fuss. I fret the repercussions because my experiences with them are that they are never good. Never. Every time I try to trust that my boundary setting will be accepted by Cindy in a mature manner, that trust gets blown away. I may as well wrap my arm in steaks and stick it into a lion’s cage. The results are disturbingly similar.
So maybe rather than fret her reaction, as long as I’m reasonably certain what it’ll be, why not just get it over with? Treat it like pulling off a band-aid?
Friday night is gonna suck. I guess it’s better to be forewarned.
Updated because I noticed that I can’t use html attributes in the title. The title was supposed to be :I got Nuthin Very Little” and it looked like VERY poor grammar with the ‘Nuthin’ not crossed out. Granted, the grammar is still horrendous, but at least it looks like it wasn’t translated from Babylonian or something.
Back on the Couch(es)
Day 2181
How convenient. Return from a vacation and 10 straight days of all-the-time quality-time with Cindy and I have therapist visits scheduled on back to back days.
It’s interesting noting the different techniques & styles each of the therapists’ uses. Annette, my first 1 on 1 therapist and our former couples’ therapist, uses a more direct, confrontational approach. No BS, no pussyfooting around. I think that’s what made Cindy reluctant to work with her. She wouldn’t put up with any of Cindy’s manipulations.
Janine (our current couples’ therapist who also sees each of us 1 on 1) on the other hand, tried the direct approach with Cindy. After watching her (Cindy) retreat and close off in reaction to the direct approach, has adopted a ‘side door’ approach. I believe she’s been swayed by Cindy to start to believe that there IS no drinking problem per se – it’s the drinking that is a side effect of other unresolved issues.
All that makes me want to call bullshit. Getting booted off the AAU swim team at the age of 16 has nothing to do with any unresolved issues between us. Those drinking habits she nurtured in college? I was in the service in Washington, 2700 miles away. The whole early part of our marriage there weren’t any glaring issues between us, but I was right there drinking alongside her much of the time. I’ve come to me senses mostly. Cindy? She learned to use drink as an escape long before there were any unresolved issues or a desire for a deeper, more emotionally involved relationship between us.
Granted, we could improve thing between us (ya think?), but fixing them won’t solve the whole problem. Janine wants to address these other issues and see if the drinking problem abates. Personally, I think Janine is being played. I respect her opinion that if she pushes the issue too hard Cindy will up & quit, but I also am supremely frustrated with the current level of progress. I have made changes, I have made concessions, I am trying to provide the things Cindy claims to want & need. I don’t feel those efforts are being reciprocated.
Janine wants to take the side door approach. Annette is telling me I need to be prepared for a fight. Maybe the approach is for me to play the role of bad cop and let Janine play good cop. I’ll be the dick and dole out the tough love and let Janine be the sounding board & confidante and help guide Cindy through the process. Problem is I need to get better about that tough love stuff.
That begins with some boundary setting – or re-declaring. I’ve been mulling this over since Tuesday night and had that thought reinforced by Annette yesterday. That’s where the “get ready to fight” warning came from too. I dislike fights. They make me squirm. I am averse to having people angry with me. Makes it readily apparent why I hesitate to dive into these situations. On top of that? Sunday is our (ssshhhhhh!!!) 29th Anniversary. Who the heck wants to pick a fight 3 days before their anniversary?
So, yeah. Color me squirmy. This could be just what we need, or it could go bad in so many different ways . . .
Busier than . . .
Day 2165
. . . a one legged man in an ass kicking contest. Isn’t that how it always is before you go on an extended vacation?
Trying to prep a design review, a project proposal AND still debug/trouble-shoot issues with current product, all knowing that come 5pm Thursday I cease to give a shit for 10 glorious days.
I can’t wait.
Yesterday’s session with Janine was different. Apparently Cindy was thrilled with the discussion we had Friday night, saying that I had opened up and expressed things to her she had wanted to hear for years. Or things she never expected to hear. We stayed up talking till 4:30 Saturday morning. THAT’s why I didn’t go on that bike ride Saturday. Well, that and the fact that my overly expressive state was fueled by too many lovely, dark, chewy beers, a couple of chocolate martini’s and apparently a roofie or two, because I don’t have a clear memory of much of anything after 10pm. And I gotta wonder, what the hell did we talk about for another 6 hours?
I told Janine that I felt bad about how things came about Friday night. I certainly didn’t mean to have that much to drink and I felt that I was somewhat enabling Cindy’s own bad behavior. It should also be noted that she was keeping up with me – even encouraging me with the drinks. But. She claims to have a really good recall of everything we talked about, which leads me to believe she slipped me a mickey or three. (Kidding, mostly. But maybe she had a feeling that just one more beer might be enough to loosen the old boy up.)
So Saturday was a total loss. At Janine’s encouraging, I expressed gratitude for Friday nights talk along with a desire to revisit as many of the topics as we can cover over the next week or so. It’ll be interesting to see if we each have the same opinions on these subjects when our inhibitions aren’t artificially lowered. Of course, I’ll never know the difference.
For the family reunion coming up this weekend, I am re-building the targets for a game called “horseballs”. We have a commercially prepared set, but they have a tendency to fall apart. They are made of some type of plastic, but not the kind of plastic that is compatible with PVC cement. So? I have linear miles of 1” PVC, buckets of cleaner & cement and a shopping list for all the joints. By the end of the night, after snorting a little PVC cleaner & glue, I ought to have a set of custom made horseball racks. Wonder what that PVC glue will do to my inhibitions? Might have to warn the neighbors and have them keep their curtains closed.
Time to go polish off a little presentation.
Riding, Riding
Day 2157
Sunday I finally got out and got in a decent length training ride. The ride map looked like this:
Wheatland Hills II
Find more Bike Rides in Wheatland-chili, New York
Compared to what I hope to ride in a coupe weeks with my cousin, this is a cake walk. So, to better prepare for that challenge, I am hoping to be able to drive to a lovely little town in the Finger Lakes called Canandaigua and tackle this beastie:
Canadaigua Loop
Find more Bike Rides in Canandaigua, New York
This 46 mile course packs in nearly as much climbing as what the cuz & I are planning on in this 62 mile ride:
2010 Tour of the Battenkill
Find more Bike Rides in Cambridge, New York
By the way, the notes for embedding the maps mentioned something about IE only. If you’re a bit of a rebel and use Fire Fox, like me, the maps might be all hosed up. Had to try it though. Ok. Enough pimping Map My Ride, eh?
How about them fishes? Yes, it was sad to lose the two orfe last week, but the third guy (or girl) is doing swimmingly. Plus, we have the three orfe that we bought earlier this year, not knowing that our original three managed to have puppies this spring. That created the micro-Armada of 4 teeny-tiny orfe that tend to school together. (In a school of fish, you do not need to be the fastest to survive. You only need to NOT be the slowest.) Now it seems they are big enough to be out of consideration as a tasty morsel for their bigger brethren.
Besides the orfe hatchlings this spring, it looks like 10 or 12 comet/shibunkin/koi hybrids that hatched last year are doing quite well too. That would be the mini-armada. Now that we’re in mid-summer the water is crystal clear. All these little (1” – 2” long) fish are easier to see. I really ought to sort through the dozens & dozens of pictures I have and post a few. That would be a lovely project for a quiet weekday evening. When I get one.
Attended an impromptu party Friday night. It was my youngest brothers last day with his former employer. His wife got in contact with me & Lefty and we all (brothers & their wives) gathered at a local microbrewery that specializes in German cuisine. So what did I have? Scotch Ale (originated in Scotland) and a grilled pastrami sandwich. Not a lick of German cuisine in sight. Oh, wait! I did have German Potato salad as my side. Whew! Didn’t think I could have been so harsh towards half my ancestors.
That little impromptu party exposed a weak spot though. Not sure who really owns this particular anomaly. No, wait. That’s a not true. I DO know who owns it, I DO know who needs to do something about it, and I DO know neither of those people is me. A certain blond spouse of mine has never admitted to anyone beyond our immediate family (myself, the boys and their s.o.’s) that she’s attended even one AA meeting or that she really ought to consider giving up alcohol altogether.
So Friday night was a lost cause. Had a few pops at the restaurant, went to my brother house and had a few more, then wandered home and had a dip in the tub. At midnight. Apparently clothing was optional because I STILL can’t find the belt I was wearing that night. Everything else has come through the laundry since then, but no belt. Odd. Although ow a missing belt implies nudity in the tub I can not say. I CAN tell you there was no hanky-panky happening though. Dammit
Saturday evening we did dinner & a movie. Or movie & a dinner. Saw “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice”. If you REALLY want to see it, wait for it on DVD. The movie production was ok, the special effects were pretty good, but the story line was tame, dull, obvious, cliché, and yes, there was even a scene scripted right out of Fantasia starring mops and out of control water. Plus, Nicholas Cage played the same character he’s played in his last umpteen movies – the “I’m so much smarter than you, you need me around just to keep you alive and maybe you can learn shit from me via osmosis” guy. (“National Treasure” or “The Rock” anyone?)
Sunday I got in that bike ride in the morning. 36.6 miles in just over 2 hours. I was disappointed by how sore my legs were afterwards. Especially my right quad. He was starting to complain after only 30 miles or so. Have spin class tonight with a very good instructor. Think I’ll take advantage and make myself do hill climbs every opportunity I get. She may look at me funny, but if she’s really curious about what I was up to, she’ll ask after class. (There are some tense {in a temporal, grammatical sense} issue with that last thought, but I gotta get to work.)
Oooh. Just got a bummer of a message. My 5th or 6th surrogate mom, a friend from Al Anon meetings, passed away this morning. I knew she was ill, but her passing comes as a bit of a shock. Have to keep an eye open for her calling hours. Everyone loved Stell in one way or another. She was a great sharer of the program.
The People You Meet . . .
Day 2153
Got to ride the bike in to work Wednesday. Didn’t have to schlep the work laptop with me and I have no after work commitments that can’t tolerate me being all nasty, hot & sweaty. With any luck, this situation will persist for the remainder of the week. I even went so far as to declare a goal for the near term on my Map My Ride profile (which I might share, except that I used my surname in my MMR username and I kinda hesitate to make that freely available data here on my bitch & whine pages) {/tangent}
Where was I? Oh yeah – goal. From the end of April 2010 to the end of September, I want to try and accumulate 1000 miles on my bike. After Wednesdays ride(s) I am at 511.8 miles. That’s been achieved in roughly 2.5 months, with about 2.5 months to go, so it seems that I am safely on track.
My cousin (-in-law, via two marriages and an adoption) has invited me to partake of the Tour of the Battenkill when we visit that part of the state for the umpteenth annual Baker/Ace/Waller family reunion July 30 – Aug 1. The race itself is held in April, so we’ll just be riding the course ourselves, for the fun and the challenge. That’s a ‘quick’ 62 mile trip through the foothills of the Adirondacks, crossing a tributary of the mighty Hudson several times in the process.
Right now, I have 20 miles in my legs, no problem. In 3 weeks, I have to convince them they can do 62 hilly miles. That means a 30ish mile ride this week, maybe a 40-ish mile ride early next week, 60+ miles the weekend of the 24th & 25th and a bit of tapering down that week. That’ll go a long ways towards helping reach that 1000 mile goal.
To put that in perspective a bit, on my way in to work Wednesday morning, I crossed paths with a fellow biker I had never met before. I had been following the Erie Canal bike path, headed north towards work. This fellow was on the path just a hair south of the Lyell Ave crossing, staring at his iPhone. He flagged me down, asking for a little assistance. Most cyclists are cool people that don’t mind lending a hand and watching out for each other so to perpetuate that particular mindset, I stopped and said “Sure, whaddya need?”
He asked “How far is the canal path paved to the east?” I confidently told him that it was paved for another 13 – 14 miles, till he reached the village of Pittsford, than it switched over to crushed rock & rock dust. “So I can make it to St. Rte. 31 on the other side of the city?” Again, I could confidently tell him, sure – get off the path at the Monroe Ave crossing, that’s Rt. 31. I’d ridden the path to Pittsford twice in the past and could also warn him about getting through Genesee Valley Park (a confluence of trails makes things confusing) and to watch out for stairs at one of the canal lock parks.
The fellow thanked me for the information. He added that he started out at 4am in Lockport, NY (very near Buffalo – it was 7:30am on the west side of Rochester at the time so he’d done 65ish miles in 3.5 hours) and he was headed for Utica (another 135ish miles east – the other side of Syracuse). With any luck, he’ll be there in time to grab a shower before dinner. I sure hope whomever he’s going to see knows how to do leg massages, because he’s going to really need it after a 200 mile day.
Sad part is I’ll never know how the rest of his trip went. I should have given him my email address so he could let me know.
Leroy Jethro Gibbs, the lead character on NCIS, believes there are no coincidences. I may be inclined to start believing him. At our Al Anon meeting Tuesday night the secretary/treasurer brought the literature order she’d picked up from the distribution center. With the order she received a sample copy of a pamphlet titled “Al-Anon Family Groups Welcomes Gays and Lesbians”.
That night, we welcomed another first timer. After hearing the new comer speak and describe the situation that brought them to Al Anon, I have no doubt that we were meant to have that copy of the pamphlet welcoming gay & lesbian persons. Weird how things work out.
In spite of my frustration & growing resentment with how things are progressing relationship wise (wanna see my list?), Janine continues to preach patience. For how long? As long as I am willing, apparently. The real challenge, and I will share this little tidbit with Annette (my very own 1 on 1 therapist) will be to find some way to channel this growing frustration & resentment in a healthy way and avoid falling into the “affection replacement therapy” trap. (That translates into calling Ms. CL and asking her how she’d feel about dinner, a movie and a few hours rolling in the sack. We always enjoyed that particular agenda, but I gotta think she’s moved on by now. Darn.)
Guess the eternal question is can I ever get that back with Cindy, with or without her truthfully addressing her drinking issues?
That’s bunch of bullshit, isn’t it? The truth is, if she keeps denying her drinking problem, the answer is no. The REAL question is how long am I willing to put up with her denial?
Not too long ago (before the hot tub was installed though), I told Cindy I feared that one I finished my duties as executor of her dad’s will and got his estate settled, she’d ask for a separation. I called her out on what I perceived to be a lack of commitment and she gave me the ‘how could you think that?’ response. Truth is, she has no idea how her behavior and attitudes effect people around her. Most times, she says she’s not even aware that her attitude IS sour. (Personally, I think that’s more denial. She effin well knows, just doesn’t like being called on it.)
Aaaaaannyhow. Estate will be settled in the next month or so. We shall see what we shall see. I do know one thing – no matter what, I am NOT leaving the house. Period.
RIP Little Orfe’n Annies
Day 2151
Hi and welcome to Wednesday Wickedness. We are like other memes in that we will ask you ten questions each and every Wednesday. But our little “twist” is that each week we will pick a famous person and pick ten of their quotes. Each of our questions will be based on the quotes. Got it? Great! Let’s begin this week’s meme!
Today we picked George Steinbrenner (who passed away Tuesday morning at age 80). Here’s Wednesday Wickedness!
The man we loved to hate. All he wanted to do was win, at any price.
1. “But why shouldn’t I speak out? Don’t you speak out in this country?” Do you speak out as often as you should?
Not nearly enough.
2. “I am tough. Sometimes I’m unreasonable. I have to catch myself every once in a while.” Are you ever tough and unreasonable?
Tough, yes. Unreasonable – at times. Both at once? Hardly ever.
3. “I haven’t always done a good job, and I haven’t always been successful – but I know that I have tried.” Do you believe that sometimes you learn more from a failure than a success?
Absolutely. Sometimes being successful all the time can lead to complacency and a lack of humility.
4. “Winning is the most important thing in my life, after breathing. Breathing first, winning next.” Do you feel that you always have to win?
Competing well, doing ones best, is important. Winning? Not all it’s cracked up to be. Sometimes you learn more from losing.
5. “It is unbelievable to me that the highest-paid team in baseball would start the season in such a deep funk.” Do you think money always buys greatness?
Definitely not, and the Yankees are the best example of that. He paid some of his players too well and they lost their hunger.
6. “I take my last phone call at home at about 11pm.” What time is too late to call you?
Depends on who’s calling and what for. If it’s a quickie, say to finalize plans for the next day, 10 or 11 is ok. If you’re wanting to shoot the shit, 9 might be too late. Then there are the calls no one wants to get – “Uhhh, This is (Father-in-laws senior living facility) and your Dad is seriously losing his shit. Can you come over and talk to him?” Those calls usually came at 1 or 2 in the morning. Not nice.
7. “Don’t talk to me about aesthetics or tradition. Talk to me about what sells and what’s good right now.” Do you think tradition matters?
Tradition absolutely matters. Honoring the memory of those who have gone before us is important. We need to know where we were in order to appreciate where we are.
8. “And what the American people like is to think the underdog still has a chance.” Do you tend to root for the underdog?
I root for whoever the Yankees are playing. (And yes, I’m from New York. Not the City, but still . . .) Beyond that, everybody is a sucker for the underdog, me included.
9. “I don’t think I ever could exceed my father’s successes. He was a completely satisfied man, he knew what he wanted to accomplish and he accomplished it. I did do a lot, though, to try to please him.” Do you ever feel that you want to exceed your parents successes?
In education, career and material possessions I have. Does that make me a better person? I don’t think so.
10. “I’m really 95 percent Mr. Rogers, and only 5 percent Oscar the Grouch.” In terms of cartoon characters, who are you like?
80% Foghorn Leghorn, 10% Tweety, 5% Yosemite Sam, 5% Marvin the Martian.
Thanks for checking out our Wednesday craziness. We hope you join us again. Please visit our other player’s posts and make a comment. Join us next week for our next meme!
In real entry type matters, I’ve started entries but found myself getting lost as I dug deeper. I’ve had to drop the shovel two or three times. I think I’m nearing a crossroads. Progress is slow, but patterns are emerging.
I don’t know if it’s paranoia on my part, but it seems to me that a lot of the things that are happening are all for a reason. Some things are being done to make it seem like too much of a loss to ever leave the house. Other things are being done/planned to keep me from raising a stink and calling BS on certain people. Then there are the things I’ve been asked to put aside for the good of the relationship, but when I look at the ONE THING I asked for, I’m not getting satisfaction.
That, in a nutshell, is what I’ve been mulling lately. Have a session with Janine (couples counselor) tonight. I’m not sure how much of this I really want to share in the couples portion just yet. I think that goes back to my answer for Question #1 above.
In more mundane news, we thought we’d lost a Golden Orfe to a heron. Cindy had reported seeing only 2 of our larger Orfe when she fed them one afternoon. Later that evening, I checked and saw only one – immediately jumping to the conclusion that we’d lost another to the heron. (For the record, when it’s feeding time the Orfe are the first fish to grab a bite. They are very aggressive feeders and will actually plow through other fish to get to a piece of kibble.)
The next morning, I saw an Orfe floating upside down in amongst some lily leaves. The other two were happily munching away at their breakfast. So no loss to heron at least. But why did the one die?
For the past week, a second big Orfe has been acting poorly. It kept hidden under the lilies, wouldn’t eat, and even resisted the urges of the other Orfe to come out and play. (Orfe are schooling fish, often racing with each other to and fro across the pond. Very entertaining fish to watch). Last night, Orfe #2 was doing the upside down pose.
These two were only 4 years old. I’d read where they live up to 30 years in captivity. I’m wondering if a screw up on my part a couple weeks ago isn’t the culprit. The pond was low. I dropped a garden hose in and let it run, with the intention of turning it off in an hour or so. That night I actually had to wake up and pee. Then I went downstairs to get a drink. Heard water running still, long after the toilet should have finished filling. That’s when it struck me – I left the damn hose running! So there I am, nekkid as a jaybird, dashing out to the side of the house at 3am so I can shut off the hose I forgot 6 hours earlier.
Not my dead Orfe, but the resemblance is amazing.
Anyhow, I think the overdose of chlorine was detrimental to the fish’s gills. It’s possible that mature Orfe are more susceptible as it doesn’t seem to have bothered the koi, comets or shibunkins.
Another thing I noticed (and I have pictures for later) our Orfe spawned this spring. We have 4 leetle teeny Orfe I’ve taken to calling the Micro Armada as they tend to travel in a group. Also – maybe a dozen or so of the comet/shibunkin/koi crosses that hatched last year are still hanging in there. It’s only been recently that the water has been clear enough to really see the little buggers. They’re still barely an inch long, but many of them have the distinctive shibunkin calico type coloring. Hope they keep keepin’ on.
I can’t lie either – that nekkid dash to turn off the garden hose was kind of exciting in a naughty way. Glad it was 3am. Even Gladder that the local police didn’t just happen to be cruising by at the time. Thin I’ll be limiting future nekkid sprints to the 10 feet from the porch door to the Hot Tub Time Machine.
Round-up
Day 2145
Went through a whole 4 day weekend without an update. Terrible!
In a nut shell, we worked our asses off. Saturday & Sunday were the coolest of the days, with temps only into the 80’s so we really packed a lot of work into them. Finally finished the trimming that was interrupted by the discovery of another yellow jacket nest. Was so fed up with how some plants were performing in the front beds (they were getting too big, in spite of trimming), I yanked them all put in plants that respond better to the hedge clippers. After all that? 61 bags of mulch. And I’m still 15 bags short.
Sunday we went to a picnic hosted by some of Cindy’s AA buddies. It’s amazing what a good time these folks have without the benefit of alcohol to loosen them up. I overheard one picnicker say something along the lines of “yeah, these are great people to have as friends and picnic with, but I wouldn’t have drank with any of them”. What an odd but revealing statement.
Didn’t ride much at all this weekend. Too damn hot. 90+ Sunday, Monday & Tuesday. The only saving grace Sunday was the breeze, but even that has lost it’s zing in the heat. Oddly enough, we’ve also had trouble keeping the hot tub under 100. Last week we turned it up to 100 once because it was a little chilly out at night and the heat felt wonderful. Now, with daytime temps in the 90’s we’d rather the tub was in the lower 90’s at most, so our bodies could bleed off a little bit of heat. Between the sun, the cover and the grossly warm air temps, the tub refused to cool down much at all. Sunday afternoon I finally struck on the idea of using an old picnic table umbrella to shade as much of the tub as possible. We also leave it open a little more in hopes of bleeding off a little heat.
I took a little dip after my meeting last night and it was actually almost refreshing. Water temp got down to 94. It at least didn’t feel hot stepping in for a change.
Also got to spend some quality time in the Town of Brighton Court. I seem to have picked up a speeding ticket while buzzing along the expressway in that lovely little town. Originally ticked for 74 in a 55. I had just FINALLY gotten around a Walmart truck after having had to follow it on the on ramp. I had no sooner gotten clear of the truck when I spotted the trooper lurking in the tall grass. He de-lurked, pursued, lit up and pulled me over. We did the little dance and in the end I thanked him for the ticket. Why do people do that?
Anyhow. Appeared in court rather than just plead guilty to the original ticket. Just for appearing, they dropped the charge to doing 60 in a 55 and failing to obey a traffic control device (the speed limit sign, I guess). I plead guilty to the reduced charge and was fined $60 + an $85 state surcharge (like we don’t already pay enough taxes). The good news is that is a $130 savings over what I would have paid had I just mailed in the ticket.
The real pisser was what I heard while I was waiting my turn. Some guy was there for a ticket for failure to wear his seat belt while driving. Yeah, it’s the law here in NY – Click it or Ticket! Anyhow, this guy shows up, pleads guilty and if fined $10 + a $45 state surcharge. Last year, when Cindy got a ticket for not wearing her seatbelt AS A PASSENGER, she was fined something like $75 + a $65 state surcharge. The lesson? Don’t mail in your tickets. Go to court. They’ll likely offer a reduced charge to plead to and it’ll save you valuable cash. Cash in your pocket is always a good thing.
I’m still operating in wait & see mode. For the weekend Cindy stocked up with a jug o’Vodka, a liter of Tequila (and a frozen strawberry margarita mix)a six pack of Guinness Extra Stout (no doubt to appease me) AND her usual jug of Canadian Whiskey. (No offense to the Canadians – this IS a cheap whiskey, not one of your better products)
In the end? The tequila & vodka saw some heavy use. I even had a tequila & grapefruit one day and a vodka & grapefruit another day. Cindy managed to nurse things along and avoided a total crash & burn. Came close to over doing it one day, but managed to pull back from the edge.
I’m a little conflicted too. I do still like the occasional beer or cocktail as a cool down or to unwind after a particularly busy day. But now that Cindy has played the ‘double standard’ card, I feel less free to do that. I’m leaning towards drinking even less, knowing full well that it may just highlight any contrasts that exist. If I back off and she ramps up, we’ll be right back where we were 3 years ago. I will just have to avoid making the same wrong moves I did back then. By that, I don’t mean ‘don’t get caught in revenge cheating’ again. I mean decide whether or not to make a break, act on that first. Maybe then take a relationship break for a while.
And find my @#%^ bike speedometer. Dammit. I had it in my hands at work this morning as I was walking in. 25:12 for 8.2 I normally put it in my helmet as I make my way into the building through the pass scanners & veg-o-matic. Now? No clue where it is. Not in my cube, not in my pack, not in my helmet. Even went out to the bike rack & checked. (Whew! Is it HOT outside!).
Oh well. No cadence or speed info for a while. I’ll just have to track raw miles for the rides I know until I can get a replacement. Dammit.
Wednesday Wickedness
Day 2138
A kinda sorta post follows this weeks Wednesday Wickedness.
Hi and welcome to Wednesday Wickedness. We are like other memes in that we will ask you ten questions each and every Wednesday. But our little “twist” is that each week we will pick a famous person and pick ten of their quotes. Each of our questions will be based on the quotes. Got it? Great! Let’s begin this week’s meme!
Today we picked Lady Gaga. Here’s Wednesday Wickedness!
1. “Peace. it does not mean to be in a place where there is no trouble, noise, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.” Do you keep your cool no matter what is going on around you?
Generally, on the outside, yes. Time in Al Anon has also helped me to separate the wheat from the chaff and focus on what’s important, even when caught up in an apparent maelstrom.
2. “Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.” Do you feel that career should be more important than your love life?
No. There must be balance. No one aspect of anyone’s life should completely define them.
3. “You have to be unique, and different, and shine in your own way.” In what way(s) do you feel that you are unique?
Dozens of ways. In my reaction to external events, my opinions, my way of doing things. I may share many of these traits with other people, but the total package of ME is unique.
4. “I want women — and men — to feel empowered by a deeper and more psychotic part of themselves. The part they’re always trying desperately to hide. I want that to become something that they cherish.” Do you feel that there is a part of you that you need to hide from most people?
That mean uncontrollable beast that can appear in a flash when I get over agitated. I am genuinely afraid of the fury I can feel concerning certain things. I work very hard at keeping my emotions on an even keel.
5. “Love is like a brick. You can build a house, or you can sink a dead body.” Have you ever held on to a relationship even though you truly knew it was already over?
You mean besides the one I’m trying to nurse along now? I’d have to say yes still. That affair thingy I had with Ms. CL. Probably lasted too long (lasted longer than I let on here). I think it’s completely kaput now, even though I miss certain aspects of that relationship deeply. And no – it wasn’t just the sex.
6. “Sometimes in life you don’t always feel like a winner, but that doesn’t mean you’re not a winner, you want to be like yourself.” Would your friends say that you are a winner in this game of life?
If you’re still alive, with your head above water – you’re a winner. Heck, Publishers Clearing House says I may be a winner nearly every month!
7. “A glamorous life is quite different to a life of luxury. I don’t need luxury. For years, I was practically broke but I was still very vain and glamorous. And I still am.” Can you tell us about a time when you were broke and yet still happy?
As a kid, I didn’t personally need money. Our family didn’t have a lot, there weren’t a lot of extra’s. But we were all happy people – satisfied with our position in thee grand scheme of things.
8. “I’m single right now and I’ve chosen to be single because I don’t have the time to get to know anybody. So it’s okay not to have sex, it’s okay to get to know people. I’m celibate. Celibacy’s fine.” Do you think staying celibate between relationships important?
Hell, I can stay celibate IN a relationship. Not by choice mind you . . .
9. “Fight and push harder for what you believe in, you’d be surprised, you are much stronger than you think.” Tell us about an incident where you were stronger than you thought you were.
I am a Heinze 57 mix of German, Scottish and a few other western European influences. I can make stubbornness do a really good impression of being strong – not only physically but mentally too. It’s in my genes.
For a specific incident – I’d refer to the second time I had to do what became a daily ritual for 4 months – pull the dry gauze dressing off of a 3″ diameter wound on my leg created by the removal of about a hockey pucks worth of dead tissue. The first time, I had n clue how bad it would hurt. Times 2 thru 100+, I knew full well how bad it was going to be, even WITH the vicodin working. Even Cindy said she’d rather push out another baby than go through that even once. I don’t know about that, but I can tell you it felt like you were peeling your skin off, down to the muscle fascia, in tiny 1/4 inch wide strips until you made a 3″ hole. 100 times. I’m amazed they (the doctors) trusted me to do it.
10. “I lie in bed and try to pray and breathe. I have a very overactive mind. I’m the sort of person who’d never take medication to calm myself. It’s maddening. But I love what comes out.” Do you feel that you always have the ability to calm yourself?
See #1. It’s a very handy thing to be able to step back, take a breath, re-assess things and find that inner peace, even if only for a moment.
In other news –
A hot tub is a GREAT sleep inducer. Until you have to get out and it’s only 55 Degrees & a little breezy. That drowsiness disappears.
At the request of my spouse, I am TRYING to pay less attention to things like her sobriety level when I arrive home. While to her I appear to be not noticing, I am in fact very aware of just what the situation is. It is NOT getting better. Our marriage counselor and my own 1 on 1 counselor are aware of this. I am sitting back, waiting for the big crash and burn so I can have my big “I told you so” moment. If and when that comes, I may or may not include the phrase “if you want to continue to live like this, find someplace else in which to do it.” I will not leave.
As a longtime married guy, it is pretty rare that I turn down an intimacy offer from the spouse. I did last week. That was weird.
It’s amazing what you can get a drunk woman to do in a hot tub 3 days after you turned her down because she was too drunk. Amazing but surprisingly, not much fun or satisfying.
For the record, I was not as sober as a VERY devout Mormon. In each case, I had consumed 2 bottles of very good beer over the course of the evening. 2 beers over 3 or 4 hours leaves me still able to legally drive by a large margin.
I lost a golf match to one of my boys. I must say, his play around the green has improved greatly. It was the difference Sunday. As usual, we all had a great time. (He only beat me by two strokes. I’ll get him next time)
For purposes of setting my own boundaries, crash & burn will be defined as 2 consecutive weeks with 3 or 4 drunken episodes each week. There’s been 2 since last Thursday. Last night was kinda mild.
I have a comment tumbling around in my head that has to do with double standards. I think it may evolve into an essay, so I’ll hold off on it for now.
Lovely bike ride in to work this morning. 50 degrees, 8mph tail wind or side wind, depending on my heading. The coolness kept the sweating down below my normal shirt soaking levels. I dread the ride home – 15 mph head winds on the trip to the Y, spin class for an hour, then the short 4 mile ride home with hopefully a little tail wind.
Back to the zoo . . .
Rub-a-dub-dub
Day 2133
Well, the hot tub is in, Including time spent at the toy store shopping for supplies (6awg wire, conduit, fittings) it took 3 hours to get it wired. Filled it while I was wrapping up the wiring. When I first powered it up, I noted that the water temp was all of 62 degrees. That was at 8:15pm. By 10:15 it was up to 80 and we were raring to go.
Yes. 80 degrees. We northerner are a – hearty, b – impatient, c – nutz, d – all of the aforementioned.
It would have been an enjoyable evening Zach & Jill came over, Z gave me a much appreciated hand with the wiring. The entire time Z & I were working, Cindy was talking & drinking. The only time she wasn’t talking, it was because she had a glass up to her mouth. By the time the tub hit 80 and she finally got in, all she could really say was a slurred rendition of “It’s WONDERFUL”, over and over and over . . .
It got so bad we all asked her to pick another word. That would last for all of two declarations and she’d default back to slurring WONDERFUL. Guess it was easier to say than phenomenal or fantastic.
The worst part? She wanted to sit on my lap and was trying to kiss me all night long. Not little pecks on the cheek, she was trying for much more. Been a long time since I turned down a lady’s advances. In my defense, the kids were there too. Jill looked as embarrassed as I felt, Zach was just disgusted. We’ll (Cindy & I) be talking about it tonight.
This is a great example of me keeping my ‘radar’ turned off and letting Cindy fly her freak flag just like she asked. Now she gets the part where I share what I feel, just like she asked. I’ll keep doing this, waiting for the crash & burn. I’m curious about how my feedback will affect her behavior.
Rochester has had an LPGA event right around Fathers Day every year since about 1977 when Nancy Lopez was hotter than a pistol). Crowd wise, it’s one of the best attended events on tour and it’s hald at one of the more interesting courses (if you believe how the players gush about it. I imagine them doing just that at every tour stop.)
Anyhow. This year, the local event has been blessed as the LPGA Championship. A freakin’ major here in Rochester!
The following list of questions I sniped (swiped, stole) off a player’s profile. It was originally called “A quick 18 with Brittany Lang”. LPGA.com’s questions are in bold, my answers are in normal font. If’n you like, copy & propagate – but please give credit to the LPGA for originating this particular batch of questions.
1. If you could trade places with anyone for a day, who would it be?
An alcoholic. I’d hope to try and understand the urge for that next drink.
2. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
Hey handsome! Really though? Ugh. Gotta shave. Aaaaagain.
3. Do you parallel park or drive around the block and look for another spot?
I am a MASTER parallel parker. I take that challenge every time!
4. What is your favorite meal off the course?
1 word. GUMBO!
5. What is the craziest thing a fan has requested of you?
Ok, so this is where it gets weird, especially since I have no ‘fans’. Most of the craziest dares I’ve fielded involve jumping off of bridges (into water).
6. Is there anything you won’t eat?
Anything that ends in –melon. Water, musk, Irondequoit, Cantelope, what’s that green one? I detest anything melon.
7. If you could be on a reality TV show which one would you choose?
I’d like to try Amazing Race. I’d love to try something like “The Alaska Experiment” too. That’s the kind of survivor I can get into. No votes. You take your self out when you’ve had enough.
8. If you get lost while driving, do you stop for directions, make a phone call, or just try and figure it out?
See that ‘y’ chromosome? I figure it out. I have on rare occasions stopped & asked for directions, but that was only after Mapquest had me so totally lost around New Castle Delaware that there was no hope of recovery. In my defense, Mapquest misplaced a road by about 2 miles. Didn’t help that I knew enough about the area to be dangerous. Now I have GPS. No worries.
9. Name one thing you always keep stocked in your refrigerator:
Cold skim milk. Dinner is not complete without it.
10. Do you surf the web much? What web site do you visit most often (aside from LPGA.com, of course)?
I am on the web entirely too much. Both for work research purposes and my own vicarious prowling around.
11. What is your favorite season? (Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter)
Fall. Cool, crisp, the promise of yet another NFL and NHL season.
12. Most memorable moment on Tour? (modified to be ‘. . . while touring’
My brother getting lost while the family was camping in the Catskills. He was 6 and already showing a rebellious independent streak.
13. Is there a song you like to sing when no one is around like in the car or shower?
What ever the latest earworm is.
14. What type of car would you like to own most and drive?
VW Golf TDI 50+ mpg!!!
15. Are you afraid of anything?
Physical things, not so much. But fear failure is a biggie. Fear of not meeting my own or someone elses expectations.
16. What is one item of clothing you couldn’t live without?
I am not a slave to my clothes. I have favorites, but nothing I couldn’t do without.
17. What is your most hated interview question?
Anything to do with favorite song, band or movie.
18. Which do you prefer? To cook, to be cooked for, go out to eat, order take out? Why?
Generally, I like to cook. If I don’t feel up to it, take out is the usual fall back.
Copy & propagate if you like– but please give credit to the LPGA for originating this particular batch of questions.
I’m outta here. Time to go soak & maybe get my self disgustingly drunk and make Cindy put up with it. I’d puke in the hot tub too but it’d take too damn long to get it cleaned up and running again.
Me, passive/aggressive? Not a bit.
Not Again Dammit!
Day 2131
Tuesday morning, before biking in to work, I checked the weather forecast. Was supposed to be nice early morning, horrible & thunderstormy mid morning & early afternoon, then clear out around the afternoon drive time. Sweet!
I got to work early enough to park my bike under the not-quite-big-enough awning in the front of our building. (If you get there late, you won’t be one of the 5 or so bikes that fit under the awning.) It poured here all morning & all afternoon. I absolutely HAD to be home & showered by 6pm. Had a hot date with my brother-in-law & his wife to go over one last form that he had to sign for settling Bob’s estate.
By 5pm, according to weather.com, the trailing edge of the rain was still 30 minutes west of my location. I couldn’t really wait any longer though. I went and changed and got psyched up for the paddle boat ride home.
Good lord, what a slow ride. The only good part about it was that it wasn’t actually raining. All there was to deal with was road spray & puddles. Unfortunately, because of the wetness, we really had to go slower. Can’t trust your tires to grip wet pavement if you bank too hard into a turn. Can’t trust your brakes to work if the pads and rims are dripping wet. Can’t trust cars to see you clearly in the road spray either.
So it was a long slow slog home. About half way home I stopped to take off a wind breaker. While it was pretty effective at keeping out the road spray, it was horrible at letting out heat & moisture I was generating internally. Now, I am afraid that when I opened my back pack to stuff my jacket inside I may have lost yet another thumb drive.
What’s the significance of that? I just lost nearly 2GB of information. Some of it is backed up, but the journal entries I had prepared for last night & today? Gone. Copies of my journal entries for the last 3 years? Gone. Information I had collected for Bob’s estate? Gone. Spreadsheets with account numbers, status updates, account values, attorneys commission calcs, tax calcs, MY commission figures? Gone. All gone.
I was sure I took the damn thing out of my pack when I got home last night, but I can’t find it at home anywhere. Not in the pants I wore to work, not in the shorts I wore at home, not on my dresser, in the back pack or on the kitchen counters. I’ll check with Cindy and see if maybe she picked it up and put it someplace I haven’t looked (I hope not in her USB port!) Need to check the locker room here at work, but I’m really afraid it may have slid out of my pack while on the bike path headed to the canal path near the corner of Lee Rd. & Trolley Blvd. I don’t remember seeing it when I picked up my pack, but I wasn’t tuned in to it then either.
So that’s my 500 word excuse for not having an entry up in the last day or two.
Oh. Got home at 5:55. Showered by 6:10. Stopped sweating by 6:30. Uuuuuugly humidity.
Had a lovely weekend. Got to golf with one of the boys on Fathers Day. Let him beat me on the front nine, then thrashed him terrible on the back. Even snuck in a birdie. Had to get ONE! I missed three other birdie putts – all shorter than the one I actually made, of course.
Missed my own dad for the 17th year running. Still weird, not taking him out for a round of and doing up some ribs for dinner after. I’ll just have to make sure my boys remember that’s what fathers day is for and we’ll all honor each other in the years to come.
Interesting developments on the relationship front too, but I’m too pooped (and busy at work) to go into any detail. For now, let it suffice to say that we are going to be accelerating the rate of change, but I’m not necessarily sure just which direction we’re pointed in. Cindy is clamoring for me to ease up on my internal drunk detector radar. I will work on it to the extent that she is less aware of me assessing her. I will also need to work on being more up front about declaring and defending any boundaries I set with respect to her (or anyone’s, my own included) current state of imbibement (new word).
All parts of my counseling team agree – I must keep making these incremental improvements in my own behavior and wait for Cindy to:
1.) wake the hell up and realize what’s she’s doing & risking or
2.) crash & burn again, which may well include her walking papers.
Quite the set of options, eh?
Wicked Wednesday
Day 2124
Hi and welcome to Wednesday Wickedness. We are like other memes in that we will ask you ten questions each and every Wednesday. But our little “twist” is that each week we will pick a famous person and pick ten of their quotes. Each of our questions will be based on the quotes. Got it? Great! Let’s begin this week’s meme!
Today we picked Bruce Springsteen.
1. “When it comes to luck, you make your own.” Do you believe you have that type of control over your luck?
It’s aaaaalllll perspective. Is your glass half full?
2. “You’ve got to learn to live with what you can’t rise above.” What is something you have had difficulty rising above?
Procrastination. Not getting something done because I’m afraid I can’t do it perfectly.
3. “Poor men wanna be rich, rich men wanna be kings, and a king ain’t satisfied till he rules everything.” Would you want to be rich?
Comforatble, yes. Rich? With money? Might be more trouble than it’s worth.
4. “The best music is essentially there to provide you something to face the world with.” Tell us about a song that helps you “face the world.”
“Dreams I’ll Never See” by Molly Hatchet
5. “In America everything’s about who’s number one today.” Have you ever been a fan of someone you thought would last but turned out to be a flash in the pan?
I am slow to trust by nature. That keeps me from being much of a bandwagon hopper. Anything new really needs to show me some signs of durability before I sign on as a fan. In today’s disposable world, that makes me a bit of a skeptic.
6. “Is a dream a lie if it don’t come true, or is it something worse?” Has any dream of yours come true?
I’m married, have 2 kids, a house, a dog – I am living the American Dream. But we’re talking dream like the one I had Monday morning – heavens no!
7. “Our American government has strayed too far from American values. It is time to move forward. The country we carry in our hearts is waiting.” What would you change if you became the president?
Stop legislating common sense. If people want to do dumb shit and hurt or kill themselves, lets get them out of the gene pool. I’d also clamp down on some of the frivolous lawsuits and put realistic limits on what people can sue or be sue for. Would that be legislating a way for people to take responsibility for their own actions? If so – I’m all about that.
8. “Yeah, I had gay friends. The first thing I realized was that everybody’s different, and it becomes obvious that all of the gay stereotypes are ridiculous.” How do you feel about gay rights?
We’re all just people trying to get along. If gay folks want to marry, let them. But they have to follow the same rules as married hetero folks, including taxes, separation, divorce – the whole 9 yards.
9. ” It’s a sad man my friend who’s living in his own skin and can’t stand the company.” Have you ever been disappointed in yourself?
Frequently. The trick is to recognize the fault and do something to correct it.
10. “The best music is essentially there to provide you something to face the world with.” What’s your favorite type of music? What’s your favorite band?
By choice, I listen to mostly classic rock from the 70’s & 80’s and anything recent that perpetuates that sound & feeling. Mostly. I can enjoy almost anything, but that rap crap, disco, hip hop, anything that makes the 10 – 18 year old female demographic want to scream with excitement I can really do without. Favorite band – not a fair question. I like bands ranging from AC/DC to ZZ Top and a whole lotta stuff in between.
Thanks for checking out our Wednesday craziness. We hope you join us again. Please visit our other player’s posts and make a comment. Join us next week for our next meme!
Getting back to that comment about the pre-teen and teen girls screaming with excitement. The church that borders my back yard had their annual end of the school year family picnic this Sunday. They grill hots, do a dish to pass BBQ lunch deal and have games for everybody to play for the afternoon. This year they had a bounce house for the kids too. I really didn’t mind the whole extravaganza with one exception – the girls and their squeals of glee, excitement, fright, boredom, what ever. What IS it that make them scream like that? I have never understood the phenomenon.
Had counseling Tuesday night. Rather frustrating. Seems like we’re stalling again. We’ll make progress in some areas but overall – there’s the same old stuff lurking beneath. Feel like my best move is to sit back and wait for the inevitable crash & burn. Is this procrastination or patience?
Grrrrrrr. . . .
Day 2118
I’ll get to the Grrrrrr later.
Now. This started out as Dana doing Jay’s questions after Jay did Savannah’s “Questions” meme – a meme with a twist. This meme is constantly evolving – I answer the 10 questions that Dana posted and then post 10 questions of my own for anyone to answer on their blog or in comments. Dana & Jay asked some great questions – the whole idea looked kinda interesting so I’m going to torture you all with it.
Here’s Dana’s questions with my answers:
1. What were doing 10 years ago?
Running kids to hockey, working like a mad fool, re-did the kitchen, put in a master bath and re-did the other upstairs bath.
2. By this time next year, I …
Hope to still be employed.
3. Do you think the United States will elect a female President in your lifetime? Do you think this would be a good thing?
Yes, I do. But we better hurry, I think I’m only good for another 35 years tops. (That’s an awful thought)
4. Which fictional, TV show character you would shag anytime?
Mary Shannon from “In Plain Sight”, Lisa Huddy on “House”, Det. Megan Wheeler on “L&O Criminal Intent” (Julianne Nicholson).
5. What is your greatest pet peeve?
Bad, rude or inconsiderate drivers. Lack of driving skills and considerateness are demonstrated by:
1 – no use of turn signals, yes – even for simple lane changes
2 – inability or unwillingness to drive the speed limit as a minimum
3 – doing merely the speed limit in the left lane of a multi-lane expressway. Those 15 cars stacked up behind you? Would like to get by. Move it the hell over.
4 – (My personal FAVORITE) pulling out in front of me then going 10 under the speed limit. It’s even worse if I’m the only vehicle on the road and you do it. It’s even worserer if I’m the only vehicle on the road, you do it (pull out in front of me & die), then take the next friggin turn off. Gah! Wish I had a gymbal mounted .50 cal on the roof!
6. Tell me about your most recent trip of more than 100 miles?
Heh. Drove 130 miles to an Al Anon meeting. Stayed overnight. Hung out with a bunch of folks that are trying to reclaim their lives after spending too much energy & effort on ‘fixing’ their alcoholic.
7. Which do you use more often, the dictionary or the thesaurus?
Now that spell checkers are ubiquitous, I use the thesaurus more. Unless Wikipedia somehow counts as a dictionary . . .
8. Do you have a nickname? What is it?
Two predominant ones. Bri is a gimme. Some folks use Rho, a truncation of my real live actual surname. A few select folks still use the name of a monster from a “C” grade Japanese sci-fi flick (think “Godzilla vs. Mothra”)
9. what are you dreading at the moment?
The reaction I might get from a little discussion I need to have tonight. Details follow.
10. Do you worry that others will judge you from reading some of your answers?
If I did, I wouldn’t be providing my answers. I think what I think, I feel what I feel. These are opinions & experiences, neither of which can really be wrong. (Except for the roof mounted .50 cal. That might be wrong. Fun, but wrong.)
Now. My 10 questions.
1 – Where do you want to be 2, 5 and 10 years from now?
2 – Do you approve of or practice the use of corporal punishment for children? (I’m talking spanking here not caning or water boarding . . .)
3 – If you could make one positive change in a significant other (spouse, fiance, FWB, parent, child, other relative, etc), who it be and what would you change? (i.e. – you can’t make them dead to improve your own situation)
4 – Now perform that change on yourself. What’s it going to be? (Again, dead is NOT an option)
5 – In 10 words or less, what is it about differing religions that causes all this strife in the world?
6 – What is your ‘go to’ solution for stress reduction?
7 – What is your favorite cookie to make & eat? Care to share the recipe?
8 – Of all the vehicles you’ve owned, which were your most & least favorite?
9 – Are you a collector? If so, just what do you collect? Why?
10 – Missionary, doggie or reverse cowgirl? Something else maybe?
Should you decide to try this, please do let me know. I’d love to stop by and check out your answers. If there are enough requests, I might even provide answers to my own questions.
Know what I ‘Grrrrrrr’ about? I’ll tell you.
We got a call from the electrician that’s going to upgrade our electrical panel. They asked us to call back and set up an appointment for them to come back and do the panel change & meter move. Cindy asked me to call and get the appointment seeing as I was the one that’s going to be sitting at home while they do the work. She left their phone number on a slip of paper near the phone for me.
This morning as I was getting stuff put in my back pack for my ride in to work I didn’t grab that slip of paper. Cindy noticed. I got an email from her this morning – “Did you call the electrician?”
I had looked up their number in the interwebz, made the call, got an appointment and asked a bunch of questions. The gal I talked to didn’t have the answers, but was going to do a little digging and get back to me. (My questions were about coordinating with the local utility for the power changeover) I emailed Cindy that I got the appointment.
In the mean time, Cindy calls the electrician. Heather (the gal on the phone there) got the info she needed just prior to Cindy calling. Turns out my appointment will have to float based on the availability of the utility company. Big surprise there. So Cindy ok’s an appointment for Tues. Weds. or Thurs. depending on availability. Please to note that Cindy is NOT staying home to be available while all this is going on, I am.
Heather calls me back, says she just talked to me wife (imagine MY surprise!) and my appointment will be changing to T, W or Th. Internally, I am screaming. To Heather I just said Weds & Thurs were out, but I could do Tues or Fri. (yeah, those aren’t quite the same time options)
Cindy & I swap a few emails, the first from me asking simply “wtf are you doing? – I had an appointment set!” Eventually, we share enough information that I could ferret out the timeline I detailed above.
What hacks me off is that Cindy asked me to call the electricians since I was the one that would be staying home and I also understand the technical side of what they’re saying – then she calls them anyhow in what appears to me to be an effort to undo what I had already done after I told her I had already called.
Whether or not she saw my email saying I had an appointment prior to her calling them is moot. She asked me to call, LET ME DO IT.
We will be discussing this tonight, I promise.
New Meme
Day 2117
Wednesday Wickedness!!
Today we picked Frank Sinatra. Here's Wednesday Wickedness!
1. “I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.” How often do you drink alcohol? Once, to show support for Cindy, I offered to completely abstain from drinking. She told me it wasn’t necessary. Now, unless there’s a special occasion, I probably have less than 3 beers a week. I do like to spoil myself and get good beer though.
2. “The best revenge is massive success. ” Have you ever gloated or wanted to over success? I’m sure I’ve a tleast basked in the glow of an “I told you so” moment. I have also enjoyed some successes. But I think my folks did a decent job of teaching my brothers & I to win and lose graciously.
3. “You gotta love livin’, baby, ’cause dyin’ is a pain in the [butt]. ” What do enjoy most about your life? Today, not so much. In general, I REALLY enjoy living in America.
4. “I’m not one of those complicated, mixed-up cats. I’m not looking for the secret to life…. I just go on from day to day, taking what comes. ” Do you ever overthink a situation in your life? I can analyze some things to death. I want to know everything that can happen and have contingency plans in place for every possibility. Other times, I can fly by the seat of my pants and love every second of it. Gotta figure out what the connections are.
5. “I would like to be remembered as a man who had a wonderful time living life, a man who had good friends, fine family – and I don’t think I could ask for anything more than that, actually. ” Tell us about your best friend. 5’2”, blond, known each other for 33 years.
6. “I like intelligent women. When you go out, it shouldn’t be a staring contest. ” How important is intelligence when picking (or having picked) a s/o to you? Idealogical differences can be overcome – even enjoyed. But if you and your s.o. aren’t on an even playing field IQ wise, things are going to get out of balance.
7. “I drink to the confusion of our enemies. ” What’s the closest situation that you’ve had to dealing with an enemy? Personally, I have no enemies. I really don’t have to deal with any of our countries enemies. I have had to interface with some of our corporate competitors in private/personal situations. We agreed to stay away from work dialogs.
8. “Orange is the happiest color. ” What’s your favorite color? I’m into various shades of red.
9. “Dare to wear the foolish clown face. ” Are you ever a clown? That can be my best and worst trait. Always have the funny one-liner on tap, even when it’s inappropriate.
10. “Don’t get even, get mad. ” Have you ever tried getting even? If I react without thinking, yes, I will try to exact my revenge. If I stop and think, I can usually talk myself out of needing to get even.
Well that was different. Interesting questions.
Session tonight – back to the same old shit. I find myself trying to do things to change me, improve myself. Cindy tries to deflect – make sure the attention is on my faults & shortcomings. By doing that, she doesn’t have to face up to her own.
I shared my discovery of Cindy’s hidden stash with Janine (but not with Cindy). That freed Janine of trying to believe that Cindy was perhaps just a short term abuser of alcohol instead of a pure alcoholic. Personally, I don’t see the difference. Technically I think it has to do with the physical addiction. To me, if the addiction is psychological or physical, there is really no difference, you’re still drunk at all the wrong times.
It’s back to boundary settings and working on me. Time to set some new goals.
Honest Thievery
Day 2068
I saw this on The Glamorous Life of a Hausfrau (Who saw it on Star Child’s blog) the other day and couldn’t pass up an opportunity to steal stuff.
1 – Ever take a shit in the woods?
Yep. Both Army style (in a self dug pit using C-ration TP) and “OMG I gotta go!” hunting style, where the nearest fallen log will do to provide both seat and shield. And yes, I keep TP in my pack, just in case. You never know when you’ll get to be the bear.
2 – If you won $1,000, what’s the first thing you would do with it besides give me a cut?
Put half towards bills, use the other half on a getaway weekend.
3 – What’s your favorite phrase?
What a Clusterfuck! It explains or describes SO many things.
4 – Fill in the blank – the world would be a better place if ______ left the planet.
Serious answer – hate. Flippant answer WWE (or what ever that fake wrestling is going by these days)
5 – How do you take your coffee or tea?
1 Splenda per 8 oz and enough hazelnut creamer that you can see it bounce back up off the bottom of the cup.
Ran into this: Save 90% on your laundry detergent by making your own. The article does mention that you can still save significantly by only adding half as much commercial detergent, which is still MORE than enough to clean a load.
Now for this weeks installment of
(Yes, I’m late.)
1. Ever had any run-ins with the “library police?”
Nope. Don’t go to the library enough. Every time I go I have to renew my card. Sad.
2. Do you have a special organizational plan and place for wrapping paper, gift bags, etc., or do you just purchase whatever you need as you give gifts?
Christmas wrapping supplies are stowed in the basement. Paper for other occasions we may have in a hutch drawer but odds are we’ll just buy it as we need it.
3. Have you ever been in (first-hand witness) a natural disaster?
I was here when Hurricane Agnes came through and flooded every body of water on the east coast. Not horrible for us, but some areas got it bad (Ever hear of the Corning Glass Works?)
I was also stationed at Ft. Lewis, Wa. when Mt. St. Helens blew. Again, not bad for me, but a real tragedy for thousands of folks.
4. What’s your favorite Barry Manilow song?
What’s his shortest song? Obviously a question geared for the gals, eh?
5. What’s the best costume you’ve ever worn?
Any time I wore a tuxedo. Made me look like a gentleman, until the bourbon was opened.
6. Which do you use more often, the dictionary or the thesaurus?
Thesaurus actually.
7. What’s your favorite breakfast food?
There’s a Cranberry Vanilla Trail Mix Crunch that I really like. Not really such a fan of the big greasy diner breakfast. I can taste it all day long, and that isn’t always pleasant. Also? Fiber One cereal should come with a warning – “Will fill you with gas. Use of Beano recommended.” Just sayin . . .
8. Have you ever purchased anything from an infomercial?
Never.
9. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yes. At least twice I’ve had to break into my house via the downstairs powder room window. Now, that window has been replaced with a newer, energy efficient, much more secure window.
10. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Love? No. Lust? Certainly.
11. How man pairs of jeans do you own?
3 blue pant length, 1 black. But only 2 of the blue are good enough for public consumption. Might have a few pair of denim shorts, but denim is awfully hot for shorts.
12. If someone were going to bake a cake to honor/represent you, what would it be? (Think creatively, like Duff and Crew on “Ace of Cakes.”)
Bowling lane, complete with a ball and pins. Not to scale. Got that Duff?
Looks like flights out of Europe are returning to near normal. If they can get the backlog cleared out in a few more days, Cindy might get back on time. I took a peek at seat availability on her flight and saw that there WERE seats available still. I’ll take that as a good sign.
Oh! Talked with (therapist) Annette today. It’s funny the things I think of as I’m relating events of the past few weeks with her. I shared a remark that Cindy made that went something like “Your obsession with whether or not I drink is impeding our progress in couples therapy”.
Today, TODAY, it finally occurred to me that we are only IN couples therapy because of her drinking. If I had any confidence that she had her drinking under control (accept, abstain), I wouldn’t be quite so nutzoid about it. Sucking down a half bottle of vodka the night before she left for Europe isn’t doing anything for my confidence. That was a pretty lousy way of handling anxiety.
Now off to bed.
Randomness, Again!
Day 2060
Within 24 hours of release this time even, and I think I fixed the link & reference back to Lynn’s site. I hope.
1. How do you feel about “Gladiator” sandals, also called “Roman” or “Jesus” sandals? A fashion yea or nay?
Huge fashion nay. Maybe nay isn’t a strong enough word. NFW might be more appropriate.
2. What is your favorite pizza?
I like the Cheese, pepperoni, sausage, black olives and jalapeno from Good Guys Pizzeria in Chili Center.
I also like a Ham & pineapple pizza from anywhere.
3. There are plans in the works to sell roughly 1,000 items from Star Trek: The Experience in Las Vegas. This means you could buy Picard’s chair for your family room. If not a Star Trek item, what prop, background, set, etc. from what TV or movie would you buy if you could?
[Ex: Hurley's "I Love my Shih tzu" shirt from LOST, the plantation home "Tara" from Gone With the Wind, or Tracy's tambourine from the Partridge Family.]
Any of James Bonds cars. I’m using YOUR money, right?
4. Name a local food or restaurant that your area is famous for.
White Hot Dogs. Very peculiar to this area. Made with more pork, a touch more garlic. They really are white. The best are Zweigle’s Pop open
Here’s a great article on Rochester
5. What is your current favorite snack?
Been snacking on oranges quite a bit lately.
6. Hypothetical: You are required to be a reality show contestant. Which show would you choose based on your probability of success? (You cannot choose “none.”)
A. Dancing with the Stars
B. Biggest Loser
C. Survivor
I think I could actually go pretty far in DWTS, but I am not a regular fan of the show.
I’d love to do Survivor. I’d be the older male of the tribe. They always start with a 50-ish male, right? I think I’d surprise them in the physical challenges. I dislike the middle school cliquey-ness, but maybe it’s edited to be that way? Having to subsist on bananas would be a huge problem too, but I’d still like to give it a go.
7. On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being uninhabitable and 10 being cleanliness that meets the standards of OCD, how clean is your vehicle’s interior?
It’s about a 8. Could use a little vacuuming, but it’s actually pretty neat.
8. It doesn’t feel like Spring until the forsythia’s bloom.
Forsythia in bloom. Not one of mine, but not a lot different.
9. Something that made you laugh really hard recently is ____.
I have been seriously lacking in the laugh department.
10. Tell me about a goal you’re working toward.
Getting out of the way of Cindy’s recovery. Whether she makes it, or not.
Keeping my own recovery going, whether she makes it, or not.
11. Share a thought-provoking or inspiring quote this week.
I am my own worst enemy.
12. Name one thing that you do as a parent that you absolutely know will make your kids happy. If you’re not a parent, feel free to substitute “friend” or nomenclature that works for you.
When they were younger (like 20 years ago) reading them a book or four at bedtime was a sure crowd pleaser. Now as adults, I think they just appreciate being heard and being validated.
On to real life stuff. Last night before Cindy’s trip. She was well on her way to tipsy when I got home. I have had very little to say to her all night. Now I just need to get her to the airport in the morning. Then it’s 12 days of actually being free of thinking about it.
The bad news? Finished taxes. Won’t be getting a refund this year. Glad I waited.
Off to bed. Have a delivery to make in the morning.
